Don't Let Go
by RunFarAwayWithMe
Summary: Bechloe. There's more to Beca than meets the eye, and at the start of their relationship Chloe begins to wonder what really goes on inside Beca's mind. Eventually she opens up, and she goes from having no one in her life to finally feeling safe in one place only - Chloe's arms. They hold onto each other and just need to do one thing: not let go. Credit saving-from-falling for cover
1. Chapter 1

Beca was in the middle of her very first Bella's rehearsal and was just realising how tough it was. It felt more like boot camp than anything else. Normally, she wouldn't be doing this sort of thing but somehow an attractive redhead had convinced her otherwise. Her mind drifted to the blue eyes that belonged to the redhead, but her focus was soon drawn back to the present day when the Bella captain shouted, "Beca! You're still not getting the arm movement right!" Beca mumbled an apology and trained her eyes on the Australian blonde in front of her who was showing her the exact moves. She tried to copy everything the other girl was doing, but to no avail. Aubrey, the captain, sighed with exasperation and looked on pitifully at the lost cause. "It's no good just being able to sing and play with cups if you can't keep up with real choreography," she said.

Just as Beca was about to give up and walk out another voice spoke up, "It's okay Aubrey, I'll help her." She looked up and saw the captivating redhead walking towards her. Chloe seemed to have an effect on her that was both comforting and discerning at the same time. Beca shifted her gaze to the floor feeling embarrassed that she wasn't getting the steps. "Just watch me and copy exactly what I do," Chloe said, and hopelessly Beca raised her arms and mimicked the motions she saw before her. "Almost," Chloe said with a gleaming smile that was a lot more encouraging than Aubrey's degrading remarks. "Just tilt your wrist that way," she continued, trying to show Beca the angle she was holding her wrist at.

Timidly Beca attempted to mirror the angle, but soon dropped her arms down to her side when she still wasn't getting it. Nevertheless Chloe was incredibly patient and tried to approach it with a different technique. She moved behind Beca and held her loosely by the wrists before raising her arms up in the starting position. She tilted Beca's wrists to the correct angle and then slowly guided her arms in a rectangular shape. "That's it, you're getting it," she whispered and Beca felt butterflies in her stomach at the feel of Chloe's breath against her neck. "Once again," Chloe said and began to repeat the motion. She tightened her grip on Beca's wrists and took a step closer so her stomach was pressing against Beca's back.

As if the contact had burned her Beca jumped forwards out of Chloe's grasp and said, "I've got it now, thanks." Slightly alarmed at the sudden movement Chloe raised her eyebrows, but soon returned to her cheerful demeanour and smiled proudly at Beca. "That's great, let me know if you need any more help," she said and wandered back to the front of the group. Aubrey clapped her hands to gather everyone's attention and announced, "Okay ladies, you get a quick five minute break to grab some water to rehydrate before we start on cardio!" A choir of groans resonated through the hall as everyone sauntered over to the chairs and grabbed a drink from their bags.

Beca sat down and briefly shut her eyes to appreciate the blissful feeling of her weight leaving her feet. After a few seconds she opened her eyes again and reached in her bag to pull out a bottle of water and a small pink notepad. Chloe glanced over to see the small brunette take a sip of her drink and then discreetly scribble something down in her notebook before slipping it back in her bag. It was over in a matter of seconds but intrigued Chloe nevertheless. She was about to go and sit next to Beca to spark up a conversation, but before she could move her feet Aubrey called everyone back over to warm up for an hour of cardio.

After running up and down the length of the hall ten times, attempting twenty sit ups, doing a countless number of star jumps and working on their hamstrings with some yoga balls, the Bella's were finally dismissed. Chloe tried to catch Beca before she left, but she barely blinked and the brunette was inches away from the door. Something about Beca intrigued Chloe; whether it was her style, her voice or something else entirely, Chloe didn't know. All she knew was that she wanted to get to know the girl more.

Meanwhile Beca had just left the hall and was walking at a fast pace when a preppy voice called her name. She spun round and saw Fat Amy walking towards her. "How'd you find the first session peewee?" she asked in her rich Australian accent. Beca had to smirk at the nickname referring to her height and replied, "Tough, you?" Fat Amy shrugged in a nondescript manner, but couldn't maintain her modesty for long. "Personally, I think I crushed it. Although the cardio was highly unnecessary – I think that Aubrey chick has a personal vendetta out for anyone above size 0." Beca smirked again, and found herself to be enjoying the company of her fellow Bella as they walked towards the grassy area on campus.

"I'm going to work out here for a bit, so I'll see you later," Beca said and waved goodbye to Amy as she found a patch of grass to place herself on. She took her laptop out of her bag, plugged in her headphones and opened the mix she was working on. She expertly moved the controls around; altering the sounds and blending the two songs together and found herself becoming peacefully wrapped up in her work. Time flew and just as she saved the finished product to her memory stick, she felt a light tap on her shoulder. Beca looked up and took off her headphones when she was greeted by the sight of Chloe Beale. Making herself comfortable Chloe sat down on the grass next to Beca and said happily, "What you up to?"

"Err… I'm making a mix," Beca replied hesitantly. Chloe gestured towards the headphones sitting on Beca's neck and said, "May I?" Normally Beca didn't let anyone listen to her mixes, but she found herself complying and handing the headphones over to the bold girl next to her. After a few seconds Chloe was nodding her head in time with the music and said, "This is awesome!" Beca smiled modestly and waited for the song to finish. Eventually Chloe removed the speakers from her ears and started complimenting Beca on details of the songs. They found themselves slipping into easy conversation, and as time went on Chloe asked, "If you don't have any plans tonight, do you fancy meeting up?"

Beca considered the offer, wondering whether it was a good idea or not. Eventually she smiled and said, "Y-yeah, that would be good."

"Great! Where do you want to go? Have you had chance to explore many places yet?"

"Not really. I went to a pretty cool pub the other day, we could go there?" Beca suggested, and then kicked herself for suggesting such a stupid idea. Of course Chloe would hate the idea of going to a pub – she was a beautiful college girl who probably hoped to go to a club or something more sophisticated. "I mean if… if… if that's a bad idea then…" she stumbled over her words. Chloe noticed the small stutter spill out of Beca's mouth and couldn't help but admire how adorable she was. "The pub sounds great. Your dorm is in Baker Hall, right?" she said. Beca nodded, not wanting to embarrass herself by talking again. "Cool, I'll pick you up at 7?" They agreed to meet then, and Beca gave Chloe her dorm number before heading back to her room to get ready.

It was almost 7 by the time Beca decided on an outfit. It wasn't anything special – just jeans with a nice top and jacket, but she wanted to make a good impression on Chloe. She knew it wasn't a date and they were just meeting up as friends, but she still couldn't ignore that there was something about the excitable redhead that made her feel different. There was a knock at the door, and after one final check in the mirror Beca opened the door. "Hi," she said and felt her lips turn up into a smile at the sight of Chloe. She quickly grabbed her beg, shut the door, and then led the way to the pub.

Conversation came so easily to them, but Chloe couldn't help but notice that when they broached the topic of personal life Beca turned into a fact sheet. She listed facts about her school and her town, but nothing about her opinion or personal experiences of it. Not making too big of a deal out of it, Chloe accepted that this was the first time they were properly talking and maybe Beca was just a very private person. The barman came over to their table and placed two more drinks in front of them, and gently knocked Beca's bag as his hand retreated. It tipped to one side and her purse, mascara and a small tin fell out. Without thinking Chloe gestured towards the tin and asked, "What's that?"

Beca went bright red and changed from someone who was laughing and having a good time to a shy, stuttering girl. "I err… it's n-nothing. Just mints," she explained. From her reaction Chloe could tell that it wasn't mints, but didn't want to pursue it. She struck up a new conversation, wanting to see Beca laugh again and pretend that nothing had happened. She found Beca's laugh infectious and sat there admiring each one of her features as she spoke. Anxious to move on as well, Beca spoke more smoothly as she asked, "So what's your course like?"

"I think it's great. But I suppose the course is only good if you're really interested in English and literature."

"See, no offense but sometimes I struggle to see how you can take a degree in English. It's your own language; anyone who speaks it can comment on how great a poem is."

Chloe laughed and said, "It's a bit more complex than that."

"Go on then, comment on a poem in a 'complex' way," Beca said teasingly, taking a sip from her drink. Chloe cleared her throat and said, "Okay, take Sonnet VI by Pablo Neruda for example. It can be described as a recollection of a tragically happy memory." Beca raised her eyebrow at the incredibly simple explanation, but lowered it again when Chloe continued, "The oxymoron of it being tragically happy is expressed and emphasised mainly by the juxtaposition of two perspectives in the last line of the octet and the first line of the sestet. This contrast is also highlighted in the layout of the two stanzas: whereas the octet follows the conventional layout of a poem, the sestet includes a heavy use of enjambment which gives that particular stanza a style similar to a conversation, making the recollection of the memory a lot more personal and accessible to empathy."

Beca sat there with her mouth wide open and a confused expression on her face. "I did not understand a single word of that," she said in defeat. Chloe smirked proudly, and then asked Beca about her course. They stayed in the pub until it closed and then went outside to get a cab back to campus. On the journey back Chloe said, "I was wondering… would you consider this a date?" Beca's heart leapt, but she remained silent trying to figure out what the right answer was. Chloe then continued, "Because I would, but if you wouldn't then that's okay. But if by any chance you'd consider this a date, I'd really like to maybe do it again?" She bit her lip anxiously, and breathed out a sigh of relief when Beca replied, "I'd love to go on another date with you."

The taxi pulled up to Barden University and the two girls stepped out. Chloe paid the driver, and then turned back to Beca. "I had an awesome time tonight," she said, and Beca grinned. "So did I," she replied, and everything seemed to be going well. At least it was until they reached Beca's dorm and were sitting on her bed. Chloe wanted to walk Beca home and then had been invited in to borrow a coat before heading back to her own apartment. They were sitting on the mattress when Chloe saw one of Beca's bracelets slip, revealing a ring of bruises around her wrist. Beca followed Chloe's gaze and hurriedly pushed the bracelets back down when she realised what the redhead was staring at. "What happened to your wrist?" Chloe asked softly, but Beca bit down on her tongue making sure she kept her silence.

In an attempt to comfort her, Chloe reached out and gently placed her hand on the top of Beca's leg. Similarly to earlier in rehearsal, Beca jumped back as if Chloe's hand was made of fire. She flinched and tensed up, praying to be somewhere else. Sensitively Chloe said, "Well I'll let you get some rest. But if you need me for _anything_, I'm just a phone call away." Beca smiled gratefully, muttered an apology and said something about just being tired, and then said goodbye to Chloe at the door. She walked to her wardrobe, pulled out a vest top and pyjama trousers to change into and climbed into bed, hoping she hadn't screwed things up already.

Chloe reached her apartment and wasn't surprised to see her best friend and flatmate still sitting up watching TV. "Hey how was it?" the blonde asked cheerily.

"It was amazing. She's so interesting, and funny, and we just connect so easily. And we're going on another date sometime," Chloe explained, and Aubrey squealed excitedly for her friend. She studied Chloe's face, sensed that something was up and so asked what was wrong. Chloe sighed and said, "She's so great, but I'm worried about her. First I noticed a tin fall out of her bag that she was obviously hiding something in, and I keep imagining the worst like maybe it had drugs in or something." Concern flashed over Aubrey's face, but Chloe continued, "That's not important right now though – everyone experiments in college. But what really worried me were these bruises that I saw on her wrist that seriously look like someone's abusing her. Then, I tried to comfort her and put my hand on her leg and she jumped back, just like she flinched when I touched her at rehearsal. It's like she's scared of physical contact."

"Chloe… what are you saying?" Aubrey asked worriedly.

"I don't know… It's just the bruises point to abuse, and then if you combine that with her jumpiness when someone touches her I can only think of one thing. Aubrey, I think maybe she was raped?"


	2. Chapter 2

There was a loud knock at the door but Beca didn't stir. She remained on her laptop, listening to the chord progression for one of her new mixes. There was another knock, and Kimmy Jin stood up and walked to the door annoyed that her roommate couldn't be bothered to get up. She opened the door and saw an unfamiliar face, and figuring it was one of Beca's friends she barged past the girl and left. Chloe walked into the room confused at whatever just happened, but smiled when she saw Beca working obliviously on her laptop. "Hi," she called out, but Beca didn't move. Chloe didn't want to make Beca jump by touching her, so she stood in the middle of the room awkwardly waiting to be noticed.

After a couple of minutes Beca glanced around and was shocked to see someone other than Kimmy Jin in the room. She took off her headphones and said, "Hey! Sorry, have you been there long?"

"No, it's fine. I didn't want to interrupt you," Chloe explained. Beca grabbed two cans of coke from the mini fridge in her room and then sat on her chair as Chloe perched on the bed. "So what brings you here?" Beca asked, but before she could get an answer she jumped up as she opened her drink and it began fizzing over the top. She ran into the bathroom and held the can over the sink, cursing when she saw that some of it had spilt onto her shirt. Chloe followed her in but couldn't stop laughing. "I'm sorry!" she said in between giggles, "You have to admit that was pretty funny." Beca smirked, entertained by Chloe's reaction. She picked up a towel and began dabbing at her top, hoping to relieve the stain.

Chloe took the towel from her hands and said, "That won't do much, you need to use something damp." She ran a corner of the towel under the tap and instinctively started to wipe at Beca's top. As her fingers touched the fabric she realised what she was doing and waited for Beca to flinch or pull away, but she never did. She could feel Beca's small stomach tense under her top, but that was all. Chloe held her breath the whole time not wanting to do anything to scare Beca, and eventually she put the towel back on the side and said, "There, that should help. It'll be easier to wash out now." Beca smiled gratefully and looked into Chloe's beautiful blue eyes. They maintained eye contact for a few seconds before Beca turned and walked back into her room.

"So what's up?" Beca asked as they returned to their original seats. From her bag Chloe pulled out a laptop and said, "I thought we could have that second date. I have popcorn; we could watch a movie or something?" Beca shifted awkwardly in her seat, trying to think of a polite way to tell Chloe that she didn't like movies. "Maybe we could do something else?" she suggested, but the inquisitive look from Chloe told her that she would have to explain her dislike for films. When she finished explaining how she found them all so predictable, she waited for Chloe to laugh in her face or leave. But Chloe just sat there and said, "Okay, well I still have popcorn? We could just hang out?"

Beca smiled and said, "I'd like that." Chloe shuffled over on the bed and patted the space next to her, inviting Beca over. She sat down awkwardly making sure that there was a small gap between the two of them. At first they just played each other music, and then Chloe started to show Beca clips of a comedian that she liked. The two of them were in fits of laughter as they watched the whole comedy tour, and eventually Beca relaxed into Chloe's side. They stared at the screen, and Chloe felt butterflies start chaos in her stomach as the younger girl timidly linked their fingers together, aching for some sort of contact. Then, as the credits came up Beca said, "Can I see some of your work?"

"Okay? But it's really not that interesting," Chloe replied and loaded her latest essay. Beca scanned over it, amazed at how long it was. She noticed Chloe looking at her so turned her head so their faces were inches apart. "What? I like reading your work…" she explained. Slowly Beca moved her head slightly closer, hypnotised by Chloe's lips. She could hear Chloe's breath hitch as she leant forwards and their lips were so close they were almost touching. They were rudely interrupted when Kimmy Jin re-entered the room loudly, and they flew apart from one another. Kimmy Jin didn't even acknowledge them as she picked up a book from her desk and left again.

Chloe cleared her throat and said, "So can I see some of your mixes?" Beca pulled up her roommates chair for Chloe to use and they sat down silently at the computer, feeling awkward at the interruption and anxious to start a new conversation. Beca was aware of her heart pounding fiercely in her chest as she loaded her latest mix. She unplugged her headphones so the music resonated through the room, and Chloe read out a new text from her phone. "Aubrey's just reminding us that rehearsal is this afternoon." Beca nodded, not sure whether to be excited about that or not. "How are you finding rehearsal?" Chloe asked, remembering how Beca struggled with the steps the first time.

Anxiety flooded through Beca's body; still shaken from the embarrassing almost-kiss and now worried that she was coming off as an incapable member of the Bellas. "I err… it's alright," she said quietly. Chloe noticed the nervousness in her voice and reached out, taking Beca's hands in her own. "Don't sound so worried, you're fine. Aubrey just takes perfection to a whole new level," she said comfortingly. Beca smiled, relaxing slightly at the reassurance. She opened her mouth again to speak but her nerves decided to take over and make her stuck on one word, "It's…it's…it…it's…it…" She bit down hard on her tongue and felt tears rise in her eyes as she kicked herself for not being able to talk properly.

Chloe lightly squeezed her hand, not bothered in the slightest by the stutter. "It's okay," she reassured, "Have you always stuttered?" Shyly Beca shook her head, then took in two deep breaths to calm herself before explaining, "It…it started in high school. My anxiety makes it worse. I don't always stutter; mostly just when I'm anxious o-or stressed. Believe it or not I don't usually stutter much - it's just because everything's new and I'm not used to needing to talk to people much."

"Is that why you don't talk much at rehearsal? Because you're scared you'll stutter?"

Beca nodded and then trained her eyes on the floor, not wanting to make eye contact. "My brother stutters," Chloe admitted, making Beca look up. "He finds that it's the small words that catch him out," she explained, hoping to somehow make Beca feel better by being able to relate. A small smile appeared on Beca's face, knowing exactly what Chloe was talking about. Then, remembering rehearsals that afternoon she confessed, "I'm just worried about Aubrey. What if… if…" She shut her mouth in frustration but before she could get too annoyed with herself, Chloe leaned over and placed her lips firmly against Beca's. "You'll be fine," she whispered as she pulled away, "Don't worry about Aubrey."

Beca's heart swelled and she felt all nerves leave her body as she nodded in reply and leant in again, initiating a second kiss. Her lips fit perfectly on top of Chloe's and they stood up, bringing their bodies closer to one another. The kiss quickly became more heated as Chloe's tongue grazed against Beca's lips and a small noise escaped from the back of her throat. She placed her hand on Beca's arm, but the heat between them quickly vanished when Beca stepped back and said, "We should probably get to rehearsal." Chloe nodded, slightly concerned about the abrupt stop and couldn't help but notice how this supported the theory she explained to Aubrey.

She felt a pang of guilt, worried that she had pushed Beca too far too fast, but she was reassured when Beca gave her a quick kiss before picking up her bag and smiling confidently. "Are you okay?" she asked, wanting to find some way to get Beca to open up to her. She wasn't being nosy – she was just genuinely concerned. "I'm fine. I'll just make sure to keep my mouth shut in rehearsal," Beca explained, and Chloe gave her a sympathetic smile. She took her reassuringly by the hand and said, "You can talk, and if you stutter don't worry about it. No one will care." Beca scoffed in disbelief as they walked out the room and headed to the gym.

For the whole two hours Beca managed to keep her mouth shut except for when she sang, and she was sitting next to Fat Amy having a fluent, non-stuttering conversation when Aubrey called her over. With a sigh she stood up and walked over, wondering what she had been doing wrong this time. "You're the only one who hasn't been fitted for your Bella's uniform yet. You need to look the part, Beca. Why haven't you got it?" Aubrey asked in a shrill tone, getting straight to the point. "I've just been busy," she replied, "But I'll get it s-soon."

"Soon? That's not good enough. I knew that if I left it up to you any longer, it will never be done. So I took it upon myself to book you in for a fitting tomorrow morning, 10am sharp. I'll be there to make sure they don't mess up and you actually turn up."

Beca panicked and felt the blood rushing to her head. A fitting meant standing in her underwear whilst someone ran a tape measure along her body, and to make things worse Aubrey would be there as well. "I can't," she protested, "I have t-to…to..." Tears welled in her eyes out of anger at her stutter and fear for tomorrow. Chloe had been watching the whole time, knowing full well the intimidating effect that Aubrey could have and when Beca began to stutter she was at her side in an instant.

Not sure what else to do she linked their fingers together and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. Beca took in a deep breath and gripped onto Chloe's hand tightly, but she still wasn't getting out of the fitting. "I don't want any excuses," Aubrey said. "Chloe will text you the address and I will see you there without fail." She turned and walked away before Beca could protest any more. "That wasn't too bad?" Chloe said, "You didn't stutter too much." Beca smiled weakly and nodded. She placed a quick kiss on Chloe's cheek and said, "I have to run, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon?" Chloe nodded and said goodbye before walking over to Aubrey. "You make her nervous," she announced to her best friend.

"Good," the blonde said, "The pressure will make her a better performer."

"Not this time Bree, Beca's different to the others."

"Did you find out if you were right about the bruises?"

Chloe shook her head and said, "No, I don't know. But just give her a break, this is hard for her."

"Well it is synchronised lady dancing Chloe; it's not supposed to be easy."

"I don't mean the dancing. I mean this in general – being around people and talking to people that make her nervous," Chloe explained, hoping to soften her best friend's hard shell. Aubrey agreed to take it easier, and Chloe smiled gratefully. "Thank you. Now come on, let's go get a drink," she said, and they left arm in arm.


	3. Chapter 3

_A.N: Hey, just a quick note to say thank you for the response I've already received for this story. Next chapter will have an official trigger warning for a particular issue, so this is just a quick heads up. (You'll find out what the warning is for by the end of this chapter). I hope you enjoy this fanfic, and please please review! Your feedback makes my writing better! Enjoy x_

* * *

The clock read 09:30am as Beca pulled her coat around her chest and stepped out of her dorm. She had hardly slept at the thought of this fitting, and now as she walked along the pavement to the address Chloe had text her she was finding it hard to breathe. Earlier that morning she had decided on leggings and a skin-tight long sleeved top in the hope that the close fitting attire would mean she wouldn't have to remove it to be measured. She arrived at the shop twenty minutes later, and was not surprised to see Aubrey already there, just as she promised.

An older woman led them to the back of the shop and into a room filled with clothes with sewing pins still in them and about a dozen tape measures. "Stand there behind the screen lovey and undress down to your underwear then shout when you're ready," the woman said as Beca took off her coat and placed it on a chair. "Actually, I was wondering if I could keep my clothes on. I'm wearing tight clothing so it won't affect the measurements…" Beca looked at the woman hopefully, but she shook her head. "I'm afraid it doesn't work like that my love. When you try everything on I need to know it fits to your skin, and even the slightest difference like an extra top on will prevent accurate results."

Remembering what Chloe had previously said about the bruises, Aubrey realised why Beca was so reluctant to remove her clothes. Her heart went out to her, worrying how many more bruises from that terrible event were scattered over her body. Slowly she went up to Beca and said in a quiet voice, "Beca, whatever you're self-conscious about; whatever you have on your body that you don't want us seeing I promise you I won't judge you. And neither will Mrs Wilson when she measures you." A look of fear plagued Beca's face. How could Aubrey know? She had been so careful, especially at rehearsals not to let anyone see. "I d-don't…" she began to say, but Aubrey interrupted her and said, "_Honestly_, you don't have anything to worry about. I swear I won't say a word."

Accepting that maybe the blonde was telling the truth, Beca timidly nodded and walked slowly behind the screen. She took in a deep breath and first took off her shoes, and then gradually pulled down her leggings. Looking down at her body, she grimaced at the sight and quickly pulled the leggings back up. She couldn't do this, no matter what Aubrey said. After a few moments of consideration, she decided that there was no way out of it. Besides, somehow Aubrey already knew about it, so there was no real reason to back out. She slid the leggings off her legs, trying hard not to look at her body. Several times she pulled her shirt half-off and then back on again before gathering up the courage to completely discard it to the floor.

Patiently Aubrey waited outside the screen, making small talk with the seamstress. Usually she would be annoyed at how long Beca was taking to undress, but given the circumstances she found herself being a lot more lenient with time. In her head she was trying to think about what Beca's body would look like so she wouldn't be too shocked when the smaller girl reappeared. She tried to think what sort of injuries would be on someone's body after a rape, and as she prepared for the worst she felt her heart beat faster out of fear and sympathy for Beca. However, it was like a ton of bricks came tumbling down on top of her when Beca finally stepped out of the screen in matching blue underwear, and she realised just how wrong Chloe was in her assumption. Yes, Beca had been abused but the cause of her injuries was so far from rape, they couldn't have been more wrong.

Beca awkwardly crossed her arms across her stomach, trying to hide as much of her as she could. Aubrey swallowed harshly and clenched her jaw, remembering that she wasn't supposed to be shocked. She was supposed to know about this and Beca had trusted in her not to react or judge her. She put on her best smile and said, "Okay, let's fit you for the skirt first." Mrs Wilson didn't make a single comment as she ran the tape measure around Beca's body, and Aubrey wondered if she had seen this sort of thing before. As they moved onto the shirt, Beca winced as the tape measure ran along her arm. "Can you be a bit gentler please?" Aubrey spoke up, feeling slightly protective of the younger girl. "And I need to talk to you about altering the blazers to long sleeves. I just think it would work so much better with the skirts," she stated to Mrs Wilson.

Both of them knew that she didn't want long sleeves on the blazers because it looked good – she was taking pity on Beca. It was a completely new feeling for her, but she knew that Beca made Chloe happy and so she felt a duty to protect her. Also, after what she had seen that day she was seeing Beca in a whole new light. At first Beca felt a slight annoyance at Aubrey feeling sorry for her and changing the uniform, but eventually she was grateful that the uniform would no longer be an obstacle. Half an hour passed and it felt like a whole day, but eventually Beca was free to go. Once she had pulled her clothes back on she went up to Aubrey and pleaded, "Don't tell Chloe. Please, just don't let her know."

"I can't keep this from her! She already knows something is wrong, and she'll be asking questions. But she can help you! She can…"

"No! Please, ju-…just… just… you can't tell her."

"It's not as simple as that. She's already seen the bruises, and she will ask me about them. She's worried about you, Beca. And I have to admit so am I."

"Give me some time. Please, just give me time to talk to her."

Aubrey hesitated and then replied, "Okay. Do you need a lift back to campus?"

"Thanks, but I'm okay. I like the walk," Beca answered, and picked up her coat to leave. She hurried out the door and down the street, knowing full well that no matter how much time Aubrey gave her she would never tell Chloe. It still puzzled her how Aubrey had found out, but that didn't matter anymore. She knew, and that was all that mattered. Anxious to clear the thoughts that were buzzing consistently around her head, she went to the radio station to listen to music and stack CD's. Normally she found it a tedious task and only went when she had to, but right now she was up for anything that would take her mind off what just happened.

Meanwhile Aubrey pulled up outside her apartment and rested her head on the steering wheel. She couldn't get her mind off Beca and was in two minds about telling Chloe what she had seen. She couldn't figure out whether the reality of the situation was better than what they had originally assumed, but eventually came to the conclusion that they were equally as bad as each other. Accepting that she couldn't postpone it any longer, she stepped out of the car and headed up to the apartment where she knew Chloe would be waiting. Hesitantly she opened the door, and was instantly bombarded with questions. "Is she okay? Was I right? Did she have any more bruises? Oh god… I hope I'm wrong… Please just tell me Aubrey, is she alright? The bruises on her wrist are the only ones, aren't they? She wasn't raped was she? Please tell me she wasn't raped."

"She wasn't raped," Aubrey whispered feeling tears form in her eyes. Chloe breathed a sigh of relief and laughed. "I knew I was over-reacting! Honestly I can be so stupid sometimes. So what she had a few bruises on her wrist? And she had social anxiety – of course she's going to flinch away at contact. I can't believe how paranoid I was just becau-…" Chloe abruptly stopped when she noticed the grave look on her best friends face. "Bree? What is it?"

Aubrey wandered into the kitchen and poured out a large mug of coffee, trying to figure out how to answer without betraying Beca or giving anything away. Chloe was like a dog with a bone and pestered Aubrey all the way over to the sofa. "You should talk to Beca," was all she could say. But Chloe wanted to know exactly what was wrong so she didn't dive into the situation head first and end up making things worse. "Tell me! I promise I won't over-react, and I won't tell Beca you told me. I'll say… I'll say that I forced it out of you," she pleaded, and the last part wasn't entirely false. Any light-heartedness left the situation as Chloe began imagining the worst and desperately whispered, "Please."

Admitting defeat, Aubrey sighed. Chloe covered her mouth in shock when she heard about the bruises covering Beca's forearms, and the cuts littering her arms and legs, and the small circular burn marks dotted on her skin. She felt physically sick to her stomach and became suddenly light-headed. She couldn't believe she had thought Beca had been raped. She was right about her being abused, but she would never have thought that Beca was abusing herself. "I had no idea," she whispered, then raised her hand back to her mouth. "I have to see her. I need to see her," she said urgently as she stood up. Aubrey stood in front of her, protesting. "You can't! I told her I wouldn't tell you!"

Nevertheless Chloe headed for the door, but Aubrey pulled on her friends arm in the hope of making her come to her senses. "Just give her some space. You're already meeting up with her this afternoon, so at least wait until then before attacking her with questions," the blonde said sensibly, and Chloe reluctantly nodded. "Shall we go and get lunch from that café you like? I'll pay," Aubrey offered, taking her friend by the arm. Chloe nodded again and slowly her head began to clear. It was probably for the best that she waited before approaching Beca; she didn't want to be rude or insensitive. All she wanted was to look after her and protect her, but she had no idea how. It killed her inside knowing what Beca was doing to herself, and vowed that she would do something… whatever it was, to help.

Just as Aubrey opened the door for them to leave, they were shocked to see Beca standing in the hallway outside with her arm raised and about to knock. She looked pale and they noticed how her arm trembled in the air. She quickly dropped it to her side and said, "I… I need to err… to… t-to…"

"Come in," Chloe said, and opened the door wider inviting her in. Aubrey slipped outside and said, "I'll give you two some space." They wandered over to the sofa and sat down, and no matter how hard she tried to fight it a tear rolled down Chloe's cheek. Beca felt her heart physically hurt at the sight and tenderly wiped the tear away. "You know, don't you?" was all she could manage to say. Chloe bit down hard on her cheek and nodded. Not knowing what else to do, she put her arms around the smaller girl and enveloped her in a hug. They clung onto each other tightly in despair, and for the first time in years Beca felt protected. In Chloe's arms she felt warm and so incredibly safe. She had never felt this sense of security or _love_ before, not even from her own parents. She buried her face in Chloe's shoulder as tears spilled from her eyes, and in response the older girl pulled her impossibly closer, placing a protective kiss on the side of Beca's head. "Don't let go," Chloe whispered through her tears, and she could feel Beca begin to shake as she sobbed. "Don't let go," Beca repeated, both in response to Chloe and as a request herself. "I won't," Chloe replied as she felt the brunette's tears roll down the back of her shoulder. "I won't…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Trigger Warning**

**A.N: From now on this story has a trigger warning for self harm. Also, I've received a couple of reviews saying how people can relate to Beca and I just wanted to say that if any of you need to talk to someone I am here and I will never ever judge you or turn you away. x**

After a while, Chloe had regained composure and offered to get a hot drink from the kitchen so they could talk. Several minutes later she returned with a coffee for herself and a tea for Beca. Now that Chloe knew, Beca figured it was probably best to answer any questions she had instead of making her suffer by worrying and assuming the answers. The first question that escaped Chloe's lips was the most obvious one she could think of. "Why?" Beca took her time before answering, because although it was the most obvious question it was the hardest one to answer. She still couldn't remember the exact time she started – it was so long ago. Eventually she decided to answer with why she did it now, and so rolled up her sleeve.

Chloe gasped at the sight of her scarred arm, and hurriedly Beca pulled her sleeve back down. "No wait, I'm sorry Beca. It just takes a bit of getting used to. Show me again," the redhead anxiously said, hoping she hadn't lost Beca's trust already. Hesitantly Beca revealed her arm again, realising how hard it was for someone else to see it. She had been used to the sight for years, so it didn't particular affect her any more. She gave Chloe a few moments to take it all in, and then began to answer her question. She pointed at an older scar and said, "That's because I disappointed my parents and didn't get a good enough GPA at the end of high school." Her finger ran along to a shorter but wider scar that was still healing, "That was because I dropped all my money on the taxi floor when I tried to pay the driver who dropped me off."

Beca swallowed, and then looked into Chloe's eyes wondering if she should continue. A small nod from the older girl encouraged her to go on. She tapped a small, pink, circular scar and said, "That's because I made too many mistakes on my philosophy homework." Then, she moved onto two of the more recent cuts and said, "This one is because I couldn't get the steps right in rehearsal. And this one is because I stuttered in front of everyone." They sat in silence for a few moments as Chloe tried to take it all in. Beca was punishing herself for the tiniest of things, but in her eyes they were big enough to call for violent consequences.

Unsure what to say or do, Chloe slowly lifted her hand and moved it towards Beca's arm. "It's okay," the brunette said, "You can touch me, I won't break." Chloe wasn't too sure she agreed with her, but gently placed her fingers on the most prominent scar. She ran her fingers along it and felt a lump form in the back of her throat. She bit her tongue, determined to stay strong as she lightly ran her fingertip along the other scars she could see. "Why are some of them circular?" Chloe asked, pausing on a round scar. Beca shifted awkwardly in her seat, trying to think of a tactful way to answer. "I err… it's from a… a cigarette."

"You smoke?" Chloe said shocked, and then kicked herself for asking something that was clearly a low priority right now. Thankfully Beca let out a small laugh and said, "Only very, very occasionally. And the patches of red on my arm that are just heat marks and not scars; they're not from cigarettes. Sometimes if I make a hot drink, once I've finished with the spoon that I just used to stir the boiling water I hold it against my arm." Chloe sat there in shock, realising that self-harm wasn't necessarily just about cutting but about using anything and everything possible to hurt yourself. Unsure whether she wanted to hear the answer to this, she asked quietly, "How did you get the bruises on your wrists?"

"I hit them," Beca replied, but Chloe still looked confused. She was trying to figure out what exactly Beca meant by saying she 'hit them', and could only think of someone awkwardly punching their own wrist. Seeing the confusion evident on the older girl's face, Beca struggled to think how else to phrase it and still make sense. Then, she moved to the edge of her seat and leant over to the table. "I hit it on something, like this," she said, and then raised her arm before slamming her wrist bone towards the corner of the table. Millimetres away from the corner of it she stopped in mid-air, not wanting to actually do it in front of Chloe. Nevertheless, Chloe cried out and leapt towards Beca.

"It's okay, I didn't do it!" Beca said comfortingly, wishing she had explained it more tactfully. So far she had managed to stay strong, but now all Chloe could do was cover her mouth with her hand struggling to take everything in. Overcome with guilt Beca moved so her legs were touching Chloe's and held her hands, pulling them into her lap. "I'm sorry, that was a really dick move," she said and searched Chloe's face for comfort. She bit down hard on her lip, waiting for the redhead to say something. Eventually she squeaked out, "You're not going to stop, are you?"

"It's not as simple as that. A while back I spent over a year trying to stop, but eventually I just kept on giving in. Every time I'm alone for too long my head starts screaming every single thing wrong with me, and it's deafening. The only thing that makes my head quiet is pain. Now I've just accepted that I don't think I can ever stop. I don't feel right if I'm not doing it."

"What if I help you to at least do it less? I know you won't believe me but you don't need to punish yourself all the time, especially not for things like messing up in rehearsal."

"You can't just put yourself forward to help me like that. You don't know how hard it will be, not just on me but on you as well."

"But I don't care! I don't care how hard it gets – I am here for you no matter what."

"Do you realise what you're saying? I c-can't… can't even make a hot drink without hurting myself."

Chloe placed her hand softly against Beca's cheek and said, "I know what I'm saying, and I am sticking by it. You can move into our apartment so if you ever need anything I am right there, and you'd be able to get away from your antisocial roommate. I'll sleep on the sofa and you can have my bed. Aubrey wants to help you just as much as I do so she won't mind. Just please, say yes?" Beca sat for a few moments considering the offer. She adored the idea of getting away from Kimmy Jin, and if ever she had a real chance of recovery this was probably it. After much deliberation she locked eyes with Chloe and said, "Okay. You win."

A wide grin spread across Chloe's face and Beca couldn't help but smile in return. On a more serious note Beca continued, "You do know that you'll probably see me… you know… at some point." Chloe's stomach tensed at the thought of seeing the smaller girl put out a cigarette on her arm or whacking her wrist on the table, but took a deep breath and said, "I know. But I'm going to help change that." Beca smiled gratefully before pressing her lips firmly against Chloe's. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I know," Chloe replied, "Shall we go to your dorm and get your stuff? And then we can grab some lunch on the way back if you want."

"Sounds perfect," Beca said before placing another quick kiss on the older girl's lips. As they walked over to her dorm Beca thought aloud, "Won't it be weird? I mean, we've been dating for a week and we're already moving in together…"

"Well, you're moving in mostly so I can help you get better. So I suppose as long as we make sure to keep an equal balance between roommate behaviour and girlfriend behaviour then we should be fine. Also, it's not like we'll be spending every second together – I'll have my classes and you'll have yours, and you'll be working at the radio station."

Beca agreed with all of those points, but one particular phrase stuck in her head. "Girlfriend behaviour?" she asked making Chloe blush. They had been on their first date a week ago and had barely been apart since then, but neither of them had officially declared their relationship. "Well I think of you as my girlfriend, so I guess that's kind of what I meant by 'girlfriend behaviour'," Chloe said, fumbling over words to avoid the question. Eventually she realised that she was only digging herself into a deeper hole and so stopped in the middle of the pavement and said, "Beca Mitchell, will you allow me to call you my girlfriend?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Beca said with a grin on her face, "But only if I can call you mine." Teasingly Chloe pretended to think about it, but eventually nodded and took Beca by the hand as they continued walking. Once they had enough of Beca's clothes for a few days, they decided to pick up the rest of her things another time. On the way home they stopped by a café to grab some lunch, and then wandered back to the apartment. Chloe opened the door and made a mental note to get a key made for Beca, and then carried the clothes into her room. She made some space in her jam packed wardrobe and popped the clothing inside before heading back out to the living room.

Aubrey was back and sitting on the sofa watching TV, and Beca headed into the bathroom to give the two girls some space. Chloe sat down next to her best friend and said, "Don't be mad, but I asked Beca to move in with us." The blonde whipped her head round, shocked at the sudden development in the relationship. "She needs help Bree, and being alone in that dorm really isn't good for her. It's so much worse than you can imagine: she makes a coffee and she burns herself with the spoon. She'll have a cigarette just so she can put it out on her arm. I've known people with low self-esteem before but she really hates herself and there's no way she can get better on her own. Please, I know that you've had your doubts about her but she needs us."

All Aubrey could say was, "Oh my gosh…" Before either of them could say any more, Beca re-emerged from the bathroom and looked hesitantly at them. Realising that she was searching for reassurance that she could stay, Aubrey smiled encouragingly at her and said, "I'm pleased you're coming to stay with us. If you need anything at all, just let me know." Those words sounded strange coming from her mouth, but she meant every one of them. She found herself feeling concerned for Beca and wanted to help her in every way possible, but just for good measure she returned to her usual self and continued, "But if you leave toothpaste in the sink, or can't be bothered to do your own washing up then you'll be back in a room with Kimmy Jin before you can say aca-scuse me."

Beca laughed and said, "I'll be sure to remember that." She walked over to the sofa to join her two new roommates as a baking programme chattered loudly on the TV. Beca found herself getting wrapped up in the show – something she definitely wouldn't ever admit out loud. As they announced the winner of the chocolate themed round, Chloe stretched her arm across her girlfriend's shoulders and smiled as she felt Beca sink into her side. Beca couldn't remember a time when she had felt so content: she was in an apartment with people who actually liked and spoke to her, she was in the arms of the most beautiful girl around, and she finally felt like she belonged somewhere.


	5. Chapter 5

They had been living together for several days and so far, everything was going well. Chloe was watching a movie whilst Beca was curled up next to her on the sofa and playing on her laptop. Once she was satisfied with the new mix she had been working on Beca closed the laptop, stood up and said, "I'm going to make a coffee. Do you want one?" Instantly Chloe's focus was drawn away from the TV and she nodded before offering, "Do you want a hand?" So far the hardest thing had been trying to get Beca to make a hot drink without burning herself. After a moment of consideration the younger girl replied, "I'll be fine. Thanks."

She walked over to the kitchen and prepared the mugs as the kettle began to boil. From the sofa Chloe occasionally glanced over, not wanting to frantically hover over Beca all the time. She watched as Beca poured out the hot water, stirred the coffee and sugar together, and then froze with the now burning hot spoon in her hand. Chloe held her breath anxiously; yesterday she had seen Beca burn herself and bite down on her lip as she embraced the pain. Not sure if she wanted to see it again she opened her mouth about to call out and snap Beca out of the trance she seemed to be in, but shut it again as the brunette threw the spoon straight into the sink.

Beca wandered back to the sofa with two mugs in her hands and handed one to Chloe, who was beaming up at her. "That was awesome," she said, and Beca couldn't help but smile in return. The second she threw the burning hot metal straight into the sink without pressing it against her skin first, she regretted it and longed to feel the sparking pain in her arm. But seeing the beautiful smile that appeared on Chloe's face reassured her that she made the right decision. She sat next to the grinning redhead and leant against her so their arms and legs fitted perfectly against one another.

In an attempt to warm up Chloe wrapped her hands around the mug, but flinched as she felt it burn her palms. She placed it down on the coffee table allowing it to cool, and turned her attention back to the movie. From her right she heard a sharp intake of breath, and glanced over to see what provoked the noise. However, Beca seemed fine as she gave Chloe a reassuring smile, and the older girl felt stupid for being so paranoid. Just as she was about to turn her head back to the television screen, she noticed something strange. She couldn't even hold her mug for a few seconds, yet Beca was sat there clasping her hands around the cup as if her life depended on it. She could tell it was hurting her hands as she saw Beca biting down hard on her lip. "Baby, maybe you should put the cup down until it's a bit cooler," Chloe suggested.

Beca made eye contact with her girlfriend, and Chloe was surprised to see the spark in her eyes. It was as if something else came alive in her eyes, but she couldn't quite tell whether it was good or bad. She smiled encouragingly, but Beca's hands remained tightly around the mug. Chloe reached up and placed her hands around Beca's, encouraging her to release her grip. Eventually the smaller girl let go and put the mug gingerly on the table, noticing the bright red colour of her palms. "Sorry," Beca whispered guiltily, not sure what else to say. "Don't be," Chloe said as she put her arm over Beca's shoulders. "It's okay," she continued and placed a kiss on Beca's forehead.

Just as Beca sank into Chloe's side, her ringtone blared out from her pocket. She pulled out her phone and held it to her ear. "Hello?" On hearing the voice at the other end of the line her face lit up, which didn't go unnoticed by Chloe. After several minutes she hung up and looked at Chloe with a mischievous grin. "What?" Chloe asked, seeing the ominous look on her girlfriends face. "You don't have to if you don't want to…" Beca said, "But do you want to come camping with me tonight?" At first Chloe laughed, thinking that it was some sort of joke. Then seeing Beca's unwavering expression she asked, "Seriously? You do know it's the middle of January?"

"Just hear me out. I have the most adorable six year old cousin in the world. She wants to camp out tonight with her best friend, and her dad was going to stay with them but he got called away for work. When I was younger I loved camping and would go all the time, so her mother put her on the phone to try and convince me to stay with them tonight as they obviously can't go alone. And I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me?" Beca explained and looked on wishfully at her girlfriend. Still trying to get her head around the sudden request, Chloe apprehensively nodded her head and said, "Okay, I'll come. But I should warn you I've never been camping before in my life."

"You have nothing to worry about," Beca said and proceeded to drag Chloe into the bedroom in order to pack. They changed into something warmer and shoved several more layers of clothing into a rucksack. In a separate bag Beca produced some sleeping bags and a box of matches, along with a saucepan and some food to cook. "You weren't joking when you said that you'd done this before," Chloe kidded, admiring the thought and consideration that Beca was putting into everything. "I like being prepared!" Beca retaliated, and within an hour they were ready to go. Chloe drove them to Beca's cousin's house and soon they had two excitable six year old girls clambering into the back of the car.

"Chloe I'd like you to meet my cousin Mabel," Beca said as she gestured to the girl with wild, curly blonde hair and rosy cheeks, "And her best friend Sophie," she said pointing at the girl next to her with brown hair slicked into a tidy plait. "Nice to meet you," Chloe said, noticing the infectious smiles on their faces. She made sure they had their seatbelts on and then drove off towards the campsite. By the time they arrived it was late afternoon, and there weren't many other people around. Chloe wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting to see, but the campsite was quite simply a forest with several clearings set up specifically for camping.

Without much difficulty they managed to set up two tents adjacent to one another, and piled in their sleeping bags and blankets so as everything was ready for when they later wanted to sleep. "Chloe can you take Sophie to get some wood, and then me and Mabel will try to start a fire with some kindling here," Beca instructed, and couldn't help but stare at Chloe's figure as she turned around and walked into the forest. "It's rude to stare," a tiny voice from the side of her piped up. Beca laughed and said, "You're right, sorry Mabel. Now can you find some of those tiny twigs for me, like the ones I showed you last time we camped out?" The blonde haired girl nodded eagerly and looked around the edge of the trees, picking up kindling from the floor as she went.

Once she had gathered enough, Beca warned her to stand back as she lit a match and the small pile of twigs caught alight. Just in time, Chloe and Sophie returned with their arms full of thicker twigs and small branches. "I found a couple of logs for us to sit on as well," Chloe said proudly, feeling impressed with herself that she had taken the initiative to get them. She dropped the pile of wood by Beca's feet and then quickly jogged to retrieve the logs from where she left them. When she returned the fire was already building steadily, and she rolled the two logs to a space next to the flames. Mabel and Sophie perched on one and Beca and Chloe sat on the other, huddling close together for warmth.

Beca poured the soup into the saucepan and used a special clamp to hold it at arms-length over the fire. Once it was heated up, she produced several bowls and spoons from her bag and handed them out to everyone. It was getting dark as they tucked into dinner, and Chloe shuffled even closer to Beca on the log. "This is amazing, you're going to have to cook for me more often," she said in admiration. Beca blushed modestly and smiled back at the older girl. Mabel and Sophie seemed to be enjoying the food, because it was the longest time they had been silent for all day.

The chatter soon started up again when they finished the soup and loosely washed up their bowls. "I'm just going to get some more wood to keep the fire going," Beca said, and quickly checked the two younger girls weren't looking as she placed a quick kiss on Chloe's lips. She stood up and walked amongst the trees, picking up as much as she could before it became pitch black. Meanwhile, back around the fire Chloe was busy entertaining the two excitable six year olds. They sat in awe as she sang to them 'Just the Way You Are', and as she finished the chorus they broke into applause. Just as Beca walked up behind them unnoticed with her arms full of twigs she heard Mabel ask, "Are you and my cousin together? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?"

She froze, waiting to hear Chloe's response. "We are together, but we're girlfriend and girlfriend because we're both girls. See how that works?" Mabel still looked confused as she scrunched her face up trying to figure something out. "But… who pays for dinner?" Beca couldn't contain herself as she broke into laughter, making Chloe wonder just how long her girlfriend had been standing there. "I do, when Chloe lets me," Beca said as she walked over and sat down on the log. She loaded up the fire to keep it going, and smiled to herself loving that the biggest issue a six year old girl had with the concept of a lesbian couple was who paid for dinner.

As the night went on Sophie and Mabel simmered down as their energy ran out, and by 8 o'clock they were ready for bed. Chloe and Beca tucked them into their sleeping bags, but they were still cold. Realising they would have to sacrifice their own warmth, Chloe went into the other tent to grab all their extra blankets. She piled them on top of the two younger girls until they were warm enough, and just before they crawled back out of the tent Beca said, "If you need anything, Chloe and I are in the tent right next to you. Just come and wake us up if there's something you want, okay?" The girls nodded sleepily and Beca said, "Sweet dreams," and climbed out the tent.

She retreated to the fire with Chloe and put her arms around her when they both started to shiver. "I'm starting to think I shouldn't have given them all our blankets," Chloe said through chattering teeth, and they edged closer to the fire. Beca placed a warm kiss against Chloe's neck and said, "It's worth it though, because otherwise they'd never get to sleep." Then, from the rucksack beside her she pulled out two bottles of beer and offered one to Chloe. They sat closely by the fire drinking and talking until midnight, but when the cold became too much to bear they put out the fire and huddled into the tent.

Beca had zipped their two sleeping bags together so it acted more like a duvet and they could share one another's warmth, but even inside the tent it was still cold. Awkwardly they changed into fleecy pyjamas underneath the sleeping bags and then latched onto one another, hoping to banish the cold. "I have an idea of something that could warm us up," Chloe said, and instantly Beca knew what she meant. Chloe placed her lips firmly against Beca's and pulled her into a passionate kiss. The warmth spread from their lips all over their bodies which was gratefully received by both of them. Chloe ran her hand up Beca's thigh and all the way up her side until it latched onto the back of her neck, pulling her even closer.

Once they were both sufficiently warm, Beca slowed the kiss down to a stopping point and nestled her head in the crook of Chloe's neck. They kept their arms wrapped around one another trying to keep in the warmth they had built up, and just as they were drifting off to sleep the zip to their tent abruptly opened. Before they knew it Mabel and Sophie were crawling in, dragging the mound of blankets with them. As Mabel zipped the tent shut again Sophie explained, "We were really cold, so we thought we would come and share with you." Beca lifted the sleeping bag inviting them to climb in, which they did. Chloe silently leaped for joy that the two girls had brought the blankets in with them, and felt even warmer when they laid either side of her and Beca.

It wasn't long until Mabel and Sophie fell into a deep sleep, and Beca looked at the situation around her. She was still nestled into Chloe's side, but she couldn't help but notice how they all looked remarkably like a family. She considered saying this out loud but decided against it, realising it may freak Chloe out if she mentioned how great she was with kids and how it would be perfect if they had a family together one day. However she had nothing to worry about, because as Chloe hugged her girlfriend closer she was thinking the exact same thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Music pounded through her body and the sound of everyone singing rang through her ears as Beca walked across the party towards the drink table. She was metres away from her destination when all of a sudden a girl with dull brown hair curled tightly around her neck stepped directly in front of her. "You have got to be shitting me," she said, and Beca could tell by the slur of her words and the stench of her breath that she was drunk. "Beca Mitchell! I had no idea that you were at Barden University!" Suddenly it hit her that the girl before her went to her previous high school. "Did you hear about Juliet from our media class – she's getting married to some guy called George. You know? George S who sat next to me in chem? Anyway that's not the point… You've changed so much!" Unable to take the high pitched squeaky voice for any longer, Beca smiled politely and made an excuse to leave, not wanting to get tied to any more stories from her past.

Abandoning the drink table she headed back through the crowd of people at the party and found Chloe. She greeted her with a quick kiss but seeing Chloe in her close fitting red dress made her soon ache for more. "Come on," she whispered in the older girl's ear, "Let's go somewhere more private." Hearing her girlfriend say those words in a husky whisper made Chloe unable to control herself and she pulled Beca into a deeper kiss, making their tongues brush against one another passionately. The kiss was over quickly as they both felt the urgency to go somewhere less public, but as they turned around to leave they found their path blocked by a very drunk girl with her mouth wide open in shock.

"Shit… I always knew you were a dyke," the words spilled out of her mouth and Chloe could feel Beca tense by her side. "You know in the yearbook you were voted most likely to fail? Looks like you're living up to your title. You're nothing but a piece of shit – and on top of that you're going to hell for being such a faggot." On the last word she clumsily reached out and shoved Beca backwards aggressively, and Chloe launched into protective mode. Before she could think about what she was doing her right arm swung round and her knuckles cracked into the drunken girl's face. The people around them cheered at the prospect of a fight, but Beca left as quick as she could and Chloe followed.

She struggled to keep up with Beca's pace and ended up being a couple of minutes behind the smaller girl. She turned the corner and eventually found Beca sitting on a step, taking a drag from a cigarette. Deciding to keep quiet about the smoke protruding from her girlfriend's mouth, Chloe sat down next to her and waited until she was ready to talk. Once she was half way through the cigarette Beca exhaled a breath of smoke and said, "That was Marie. I used to go to school with her, in case you couldn't guess. She err… doesn't particularly like me." Chloe nodded unsure what to say, but Beca continued, "Thank you. For punching her, I mean. I've been waiting for someone to do that for years."

"Trust me, it was my pleasure," Chloe responded with a weak smile. She could see tears gathering in Beca's eyes and no matter how much the brunette would deny it Chloe could tell that it wasn't from the smoke. "You okay?" she asked as Beca took one of her last few drags on the cigarette. "Never better," she replied, "It's not like I haven't heard it before." Chloe could hear the pain in her girlfriend's voice and watched as she casually rolled up her sleeve and extinguished the cigarette on her arm. Beca clamped her teeth down on her tongue and bit through the pain as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. Once the stinging sensation faded she discarded the cigarette to the floor, opened her eyes and saw Chloe next to her awkwardly trying to avert her eyes.

"I'm sorry… I'm drunk, that was a really stupid thing to do."

"Don't apologise. And you're not drunk," Chloe said confidently.

"How do you know?"

"Because I couldn't taste any alcohol when I kissed you."

Beca smirked and looked up at Chloe. "I don't know what I'd do without you," she said, and gently kissed Chloe on the lips. Determined to make Beca forget the encounter with the bitch from her past, Chloe stood up and pulled her to her feet. "If I remember rightly, weren't we off to find somewhere more private?" she said with a glint in her eye. Beca smiled mischievously and took Chloe's hand as they raced back to their apartment. They laughed as Chloe fumbled with her keys in the lock – she wasn't drunk, she was just in too much of a rush to get inside. When they finally made it through the door Chloe didn't waste any time in pushing Beca up against it, closing it in the process.

She pressed her lips firmly against the younger girl's and nipped gently on her lip as Beca ran her hands all over her body. Needing to feel closer to her, Chloe moved her hands down Beca's back and behind her thighs until she was in a position to lift the smaller girl into the air. She was as light as a feather as she wrapped her legs around Chloe's waist whilst her back pressed into the door. Chloe soon carried her into her bedroom with ease and sat down on her bed with Beca's legs either side of her. Their lips never parted as Beca unzipped Chloe's dress and unhooked it from her arms, pulling it down around her stomach to reveal her chest encased in a patterned red bra.

Beca didn't hesitate as she leant Chloe down onto her back and moved her hand on top of the red fabric, desperately grasping at her girlfriend's ample chest. A small moan elicited from the back of Chloe's throat, urging Beca to move her hand beneath the fabric and unhook the bra from the back. It was discarded within seconds and Chloe felt her whole body on fire, aching to be touched. Encouragingly she pulled her dress down completely and managed to kick it on her floor, leaving only one piece of clothing remaining on her body. Still fully clothed, Beca used her fingertips to circle around Chloe's breast before running her hand teasingly down her body, stopping at the top of her pant line.

After nearly driving Chloe insane with teasing, Beca eventually moved her hand beneath her underwear and began to touch her where she most needed to be touched. She could hear Chloe's breathing become more ragged and the occasional moan would resonate from her mouth, which Beca decided was her new favourite sound. Chloe arched her back as Beca moved faster, feeling her heart pound in her chest. Eventually her whole body tensed and her toes curled up tightly as she reached her climax, and Beca slowly eased her body into stillness.

Once her breathing became more regular she placed a tender kiss on Beca's lips and sighed contentedly against her mouth. They lay there together for a while and then Chloe pulled a sheet around her, feeling incredibly bare compared to Beca's full state of dress. She didn't question it, knowing and accepting that her girlfriend wasn't ready to be so vulnerably dressed in front of her just yet. "Get some sleep," she said to the brunette still lying on the bed. "Stay with me?" Beca asked, knowing that it was a long shot.

"Trust me; there is nothing I want more. But we need to keep the balance between roommate and girlfriend behaviour. If I stay tonight then I'll end up staying every night, and that would definitely tip the balance." She stood up leaving the sheet behind, and quickly grabbed some pyjamas from her wardrobe before turning around to Beca one more time. "I love you," she said, and could have sworn she could taste the sweetness of the words in her mouth. "I love you too," Beca replied with a wide grin. Chloe headed out of the room to the sofa, where she was currently sleeping. Back in the room Beca changed into her own pair of pyjamas, feeling in a pleasant state of bliss as she lay down on the bed. Slowly her eyes drifted shut as her body sunk into the mattress and she fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning Chloe blearily opened her eyes from her make-shift bed on the couch and slowly sat up. She cracked her neck before standing up and reaching over to touch her toes. "Morning," a voice called out from the kitchen. She looked up to see Beca pouring out a bowl of cereal for herself. "Want some?" she asked, and Chloe nodded as she padded over to her girlfriend's side. She placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and said, "Do you want a coffee?" Beca nodded and then headed over to the sofa with her breakfast as Chloe flicked the kettle. She stopped it boiling halfway so that the water would be hot enough to be a coffee but cool enough to be held.

Skilfully she managed to carry the two mugs and her own bowl of cereal to the sofa and placed the mugs down before tucking her legs beneath her as she sat down. They barely had time to finish their breakfast before Aubrey came rushing out of her bedroom in jogging bottoms and a vest top frantically saying, "Why aren't you two dressed yet? I sent round a text reminding everyone of rehearsal in ten minutes." Chloe rolled her eyes and dragged herself to her feet and Beca followed her into the bedroom to get ready. It took them fifteen minutes alone to get ready, so by the time they were walking out of the apartment hand in hand they were already late.

Unsurprisingly when they reached the hall they realised that excluding Aubrey, they were the first ones to arrive. It wasn't long before the rest of the Bella's stumbled in one by one; most of them still trying to wake up. They soon fell into routine when Aubrey didn't waste any time in barking orders at them to run there, jump here, dance this way, turn that way. Half way through a gruelling session of cardio they were interrupted by Bumper stumbling loudly into the hall. "Well, well, well," he called out. "I can almost taste the oestrogen in the air."

"What do you want, dick-lick?" Aubrey asked as she walked over to him with the rest of the Bella's. As they approached him they could smell the alcohol that surrounded him, and quickly figured out that he was still drunk from the night before. "You know… I think you have succeeded in finding the _ugliest_ band of Bella's this year Aubrey. Especially this little ugly duckling," he said as he wandered over to Beca. A serious of curse words shot out of Fat Amy's mouth in protest, but Bumper merely ignored her. "I mean, this one is nothing but an ugly, little, virgin." On the word virgin he violently grabbed her ass, pulling her into his body. Chloe launched towards him but Fat Amy beat her to it.

"That's it!" she screamed and tackled him to the floor before proceeding to drag him all the way out of the door. By the time she returned, Aubrey had issued a break and Beca had fled to the toilets. At first Chloe had wanted to give her some space, but once ten minutes had passed and Beca still wasn't back she decided to look for her. She headed into the bathroom and found Beca looking tinier than ever; sitting in a corner and hugging her knees tightly to her chest as tears streamed from her eyes. Instinctively Chloe sat next to her and pulled her into a hug, taking in a deep breath as she felt the small girl tremble in her arms. "It's too loud…" Beca whispered through sobs.

"What is?" Chloe asked, slightly confused as to what she could mean. Beca sniffed and took in a shaky breath before explaining, "My head." Understandingly Chloe pulled her closer and placed a kiss on top of her forehead. She knew now that Beca meant her mind was racing and all of her self-criticisms were screaming through her head, and so she figured she needed to distract her somehow. _"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away," _she began to sing, and slowly felt Beca's sobs subside. She sang the song over and over, and on the third time although Beca was now completely still in her arms she kept on singing. As she reached the chorus again, the bathroom door slowly opened and Aubrey poked her head in, but neither of the girls noticed.

Eventually Chloe looked up and smiled at her best friend in the doorway, but didn't stop signing. Aubrey smiled back, and then slowly shut the door behind her as she left to continue rehearsal, figuring that Beca and Chloe could just catch up another time. Back in the bathroom Chloe's voice gradually quietened until she stopped singing, and Beca said softly, "I don't want to leave just yet."

"That's okay," Chloe replied, "We'll just sit here until you're ready. Just let me know." She gently squeezed Beca's arm supportively and placed her lips to her temple, willing to sit there for a year if that's how long it took.


	7. Chapter 7

_A.N: Hey, just wanted to say thank you so much for reading this! Please please please keep on reviewing, I want to know what you like or don't like because after all you're the reader! Hope you enjoy this chapter. x_

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For the first time ever Beca found herself wishing that her Philosophy class would never end. She stared at the clock anxiously, willing it to slow down. Just when she thought she had actually managed to freeze time, the minute hand would click round once more. Last night Chloe had asked her to entertain the idea of seeing a therapist, because although she was helping her at home she still wasn't a professional and didn't want to see Beca get worse. After a lot of deliberation, Beca gave in and agreed to go and talk to the campus counsellor the next day. She had to make an appointment, so first thing in the morning with Chloe by her side she rang up and asked if she could stop by after her Philosophy class in the afternoon. She was met with a welcoming response and started to wonder that maybe it wasn't the worst idea in the world.

However as the day progressed the butterflies in her stomach grew, and now with only minutes to go until the end of lesson Beca was feeling incredible sick. She wished more than anything that Chloe was by her side, but recently her throat had been feeling particularly sore and so she was spending her afternoon at the doctors. The teacher quickly set them an assignment and then dismissed the class all too soon for Beca's liking. She packed her bags extra slowly and tried to shake off the nausea she felt as she stood up. Shakily she placed one foot in front of the other and could barely think straight due to nerves.

Her heart pounded in her chest and she began to take deep breaths in attempts to calm down, and took out her phone as a distraction. She opened up the text messages between her and Chloe and began to look through them, instantly feeling a sense of relaxation as the thought of the redhead put her mind at ease. The counsellors office was located in the corridor between her Philosophy class and the Math rooms, and Beca felt self-conscious as she walked towards the closed door. It felt like every student that walked by her knew where she was going and was figuring out for themselves why she was going there, and she tightened her arms around her chest needing to feel some sort of protection.

She waited around until the amount of people died down before fully approaching the door and knocking timidly. When there was no response she knocked again, louder this time, but still there was nothing. Hesitantly she pushed down on the door handle, only to find that the door was locked and no one was inside. Starting to worry that she had the wrong room, Beca checked the nameplate on the door and found she was in the right place: Zara Baines, Student Counsellor. She let out a faltering breath hating that she would have to wait around. She really hated waiting – it made her feel beyond anxious as she went over and over in her mind every detail of the arrangement; worrying if she had the right day, place, or time.

Ten minutes passed and she solicitously patted her hands against her legs. There weren't many people around now as the last classes of the day were over and everyone was heading home to either study or party. It was beginning to get dark outside even though it was only just nearing 6pm, but it was the middle of February and winter still lingered in the air. It didn't help when all the lights switched off all at the same time thanks to the automatic timer that controlled them.

Beca waited apprehensively for someone to arrive and at least tell her that the appointment had been moved, but after forty-five minutes of waiting she pretty much figured that it wasn't happening any time that day. Her legs ached from standing in a fixed spot for so long, but she didn't want to move. After all, the appointment hadn't officially been cancelled and she was scared that the second she left Zara Baines would turn up and wonder where she was.

When it reached an hour after the scheduled appointment Beca knew that no one would be coming, but anxiety was taking over her and she still didn't move, her legs frozen to the spot. It was then that she realised no matter how scared she was about seeing someone for help, she was actually looking forward to it. All along she had been hoping that this was finally her chance to get some real help and get her life back on track, but obviously it wasn't meant to be because the counsellor couldn't even be bothered to turn up. She stood for yet another twenty minutes kicking herself for being so stupid in thinking that she deserved help. This was obviously a sign telling her to give up now, but she couldn't help cling on to the feeling of hope that had been plaguing her body all day.

She didn't notice the tears falling down her cheeks until her ringtone jolted her back into reality and she wiped her face before pulling her phone from her pocket. The tears didn't stop falling as she saw through bleary eyes that it was Aubrey, and she didn't bother composing herself before pressing the answer button. A shrill yet concerned voice sounded through the speaker, "Hey is everything okay? I thought you'd be back by now, are you running over?"

"No, not exactly," Beca sniffed.

"Beca… what's wrong?" Aubrey asked, hearing the distress in her voice. Her tears turned into sobs and Beca choked out, "She's not here. She didn't turn up. An-… a-… an... and… and I…" Her stutter got the better of her and she found herself unable to get the sentence out. "I'm on my way," Aubrey said and hung up, not giving herself time to wonder why Beca hadn't left yet if no one had turned up. The takeout she had just ordered sat on the kitchen top still in the carrier bag, and instinct told her it may be a while before she got back so she picked it up and decided to take it with her. Luckily their apartment was only a ten minute walk from the counsellor's office, and so it only took Aubrey five minutes as she broke into a run the second she stepped out the front door.

The corridor was in total darkness when she arrived, and if it wasn't for the occasional sniff coming from along the passageway Aubrey would never have known Beca was still there. Tentatively she walked up to the younger girl, who was hugging herself tightly but had at least stopped crying. "Beca…" she began, her heart breaking at the sight of the younger girl standing there so vulnerably. "Come on, let's go home," she said, but Beca merely shook her head. "Okay…" Aubrey continued, "Let's just stay here then." There was an awkward pause broken only by Beca's sniffing, until Aubrey suggested, "Do you want to at least sit down? Your legs must be killing you."

Beca paused for a moment, unsure if she was allowed to sit down. It felt wrong somehow; at least it felt wrong doing it without permission. That was a bad habit that became prominent when her anxiety was high – everything she did felt wrong unless someone told her it was okay to do it, as if she was suddenly five years old again and couldn't deliberate between good and bad for herself. "C-can I sit down?" she asked not expecting Aubrey understand, which she didn't, but she went along with it anyway. She knew she would never understand Beca's thought process or the way that she viewed things, but she accepted that it was important to her and made sense to her, even if to everyone else it appeared strange.

"Yes, you can sit down. I'm going to sit down as well, okay?" Aubrey explained, and Beca smiled weakly as they both lowered themselves to the floor. The fact that Aubrey had pointed out that she was doing it as well made Beca feel better, because it was an assurance that she wasn't being weird or unusual. "You can have some food if you want," Aubrey said opening the takeout bag, "I purposely bought enough for both of us because I thought you'd be home earlier, so it's yours anyway." That was a lie – she had in fact bought the food to share with Chloe when she got home from the doctors, but she knew that if she told Beca that then she would feel guilty for eating it. They tucked into the food, and slowly they began to talk.

It was small, meaningless talk about how their classes were going or how nice the food was, but it was working well in making Beca feel better and taking her mind off the previous events of the day. Aubrey told Beca about her teacher from first year who had an incorrigible B.O problem, and soon they were in fits of laughter. Once they had finished their food Beca's phone rang loudly through the empty corridor and she answered it, smiling as she heard Chloe's voice at the other end of the line. "Where are you? I thought you'd be home by now. Do you know where Aubrey is?"

"I err… I got preoccupied. Aubrey's with me, but we're going to head back now. See you in ten?"

"Okay, see you soon."

Beca smiled as she looked at Aubrey who stood up and held out her hand, pulling Beca to her feet. "Are you ready to go?" Aubrey asked, and Beca nodded. They shoved all their empty takeout boxes in the bin and walked out of the building, picking up the pace as the cold air nipped at their skin. Before long they were hurrying through the apartment door, rubbing their arms in an attempt to warm up. Chloe emerged from the kitchen and watched with wide eyes as her best friend and her girlfriend stood laughing and joking together. Although at first they had their differences, Beca and Aubrey had been getting on better but it was incredible to see them actually enjoying one another's company. Looking at them now, you would have thought they had been friends for years.

"Is everything okay? How was the therapist?" she asked, and Beca shot a glance at Aubrey before replying with an unwavering smile, "She didn't turn up. I waited for a while, but I guess she forgot. Then Aubrey and I had dinner together, and then you rang and here we are." It wasn't a lie – it just wasn't the full story. Beca and Aubrey both silently agreed that it wasn't necessary for Chloe to know everything that happened, after all it was fine now and there was no need to worry her. "That's great! I mean, great that you spent time together, not that she didn't turn up. I was just about to watch a movie, want to join me?" Chloe said, gesturing to the extra large bowl of popcorn in the kitchen.

They nodded and then headed over to the sofa as Chloe grabbed the bowl and some drinks from the kitchen. Beca wasn't usually a fan of movies, but she found that watching them with Chloe and Aubrey made them a lot more tolerable as the three of them would sit there and comment on everything. Just before Chloe reached the sofa, Aubrey looked over at Beca and gave her a friendly smile which the brunette reciprocated. Chloe planted herself in between the two people she loved and smiled as Beca leant into her side, wrapping her arm around her waist. "You two aren't plotting anything behind my back are you?" she asked suspiciously.

Beca laughed as Aubrey said, "Honestly Chlo, you've been watching way too many horror movies."


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N: This chapter comes with a very big trigger warning for self harm. If you are very easily triggered then please just skip this chapter and message me later on if you think you missed something. However, if you think that you can manage then****_ I HAVE WRITTEN THIS CHAPTER WITH ANY MAJORLY TRIGGERING SECTIONS IN ITALIC_****, so the second you see any italic writing then please just keep scrolling until it's not. I love you guys and I don't want this to be a trigger, so please be sensible and take care of yourselves. If you're unsure whether you can read this or not, message me anon or not and I can tell you what specifically the trigger is for without being graphic. Thank you all so much for reading this, look after yourselves, and I know this fic has been quite heavy going but the happiness is on it's way!**

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Bella rehearsals had been over for an hour but Chloe was still in her workout clothes and hadn't bothered to change yet. As they left the gym after a vicious round of cardio Beca had to go straight to therapy and Chloe went back to their apartment, where she sat worrying. Just as Aubrey was about to kick her into shape, Chloe's phone rang forcing them both into a suspended silence. Anxiously Chloe picked it up and instantly assumed the worst. "Are you okay? Did she turn up this time? Do you need me to come and get you?" all of her worries flooded out of her mouth and she stood up, ready to leave. However she returned to her seat when Beca reassured her, "I'm fine, she turned up. She just shocked me with a few facts, that's all… Are you free to talk when I get back?"

"I have to drive Aubrey to her Pilate's class now that I know you're okay, but I'll be twenty minutes tops? Meet me here and we can talk when I get back."

"Okay, see you then," Beca hung up and put her phone back in her pocket as she began to walk home. As she walked through the quad her mind was far too busy thinking about all the information that had been shot at her in the past hour to think about her surroundings. She bumped into three people, two cyclists, and she didn't notice any one of them. Eventually she arrived back at the apartment and looked around at the empty space, figuring that Chloe was still out with Aubrey. She stripped down to her knickers, tied up her hair and picked up her wash-bag before heading into the bathroom. Most of the time her and Chloe had to retreat to the communal showers if they wanted to wash because of Aubrey's excruciatingly long bathroom routine, so Beca was grateful for the solidarity.

She opened her wash-bag with the honest intention of taking out her shampoo and shower gel, but her hand froze as her eyes fell on a familiar red box. She thought about all the things that the therapist had told her to do and figured she would start doing them tomorrow, allowing herself this one final time of sweet release. Although deep in her mind she knew that this "one final time" would probably be the first of many. Her heart rate increased the longer she stood there, and knowing that the only way to calm down was to give in, Beca picked up the red box and opened it. Inside, beneath a layer of cotton wool, was a small, beautiful sharpener blade. One side of it was rounded and as harmless as a button, but the other was quite literally razor sharp.

* * *

_She picked it up from its casing and held it delicately, almost lovingly between her thumb and forefinger. She stepped into the shower but didn't turn it on, and left on her underwear knowing that once she was done it would be hard to guide the fabric back up her legs without marking it with blood. Her heartbeat was back to a rhythmic pattern, but that didn't mean she was any less aware of it. Slowly at first she ran the blade a couple of times over her left thigh, but it wasn't long before she picked up the pace until she was practically attacking her skin. It stung briefly, but compared to some of the pain she had felt this was nothing. This was a good sort of pain._

_As she made more and more cuts, the sides of her fingers would brush against the open wounds, consequently staining her hand with blood. She didn't even take a breath as she moved onto her other leg and attacked it in the same vicious manner. This type of cutting wasn't a punishment like it was when she would take her time with it and really dig the blade in deep, instead this was a sweet release, and Beca felt the adrenaline or something amazing course through her veins as she made the final few attacks on her leg. She tilted her head back as her hand trembled by her side, dropping the blade to the floor of the shower. She could feel several trails of blood running down her legs; like tiny, soothing fingertips tracing her skin and all she could think was, "How can I give this up?"_

_In her state of bliss she barely heard Chloe come through the door and call her name. She could feel that maybe this time she had been too reckless with herself as her head spun from the excessive blood loss and she began to tire. Something inside her told her to move and cover herself up, but she wanted to hold onto the feeling for just one more moment. It was one moment too long, as Chloe began to panic when she called and no one answered. She knew that Beca should be home by now, and the silence worried her. She went into her bedroom, and then Aubrey's, and then there was nowhere else to check other than the bathroom. She knocked on the door merely out of courtesy before pressing down on the handle and stepping inside._

_All she could see was Beca leaning against the shower wall with a bloodied hand and candy stripes of red prominent against her pale white legs. Without needing to think about it Chloe lunged forward and called out Beca's name. When she didn't respond, Chloe held her face with one hand and lightly slapped her cheek with the other. "Beca, come on sweetie," she said, and felt incredible relief when Beca opened her eyes. Beca felt her mind be dragged out of its blissful state and all she could see before her was Chloe. By now she felt awake, but her body was still weak. The urgency in Chloe's voice shone through as she asked, "Do you need to go to hospital?"_

_Beca shook her head, and Chloe wondered whether she should believe her as she glanced at the abnormal amount of blood being produced from the smaller girl's thighs. Beca glanced down herself just to check and then said, "This is normal, trust me. If I'd hit a vein I'd know about it." Figuring she had no choice other than to take her word for it, Chloe believed her. After all, she was the expert in this after years of experience. Trying to think of what she should do next, Chloe improvised and lowered Beca to the floor not the slightest bit bothered by her state of undress. All she knew was that she had to clean this blood off her, and that it was probably going to hurt._

_You know when you get a paper cut, and then when you wash your hands it hurts? Going by that logic, Chloe looked at the cuts littering Beca's legs and bit her lip, unable to imagine the pain that was about to shoot through her. She grabbed the detachable showerhead and knelt next to her, not caring that the blood from the shower floor was seeping into her leggings. She turned on the water but held it away from Beca at first, wanting to make it as painless as possible. She held onto one of Beca's hands and commanded, "Look at me." She waited until Beca's eyes were firmly locked on hers before continuing, "This is going to hurt like a bitch, and you probably know that. But look at me, okay? Just don't take your eyes off mine." Wondering whether that would be enough she asked, "What else? What do you normally do to stop it hurting?"_

_"I err… I try and recite something I know off by heart, it gives me something to focus on. Or there's a song that I sing or hum and it helps."_

_"Okay, good. Just… do that. And look at me."_

_Chloe broke eye contact for a moment as she gradually moved the showerhead up Beca's legs, but could still feel the pair of cobalt eyes burning into her skull as the smaller girl did as she was told. She ran the water across her blood stained legs and freed her hand from Beca's in order to wipe away the remaining red lines. Once the majority of her legs were clean again, Chloe slowly directed the water onto the cuts. She heard Beca take in a sharp breath and quickly looked up, trying to comfort her in some way through eye contact. "You're okay," Chloe reassured, "What's the song that helps?" She returned her gaze to Beca's small legs as she used her hand again to help wipe away the blood, and when Beca remained silent she said, "Just sing it. Or hum it."_

_Beca clamped her mouth shut in pain and figured that singing was out the question for the moment, so she began to hum the tune to "Moon River". It took a while before Chloe figured out what it was, but once she knew it she began to sing the words. By the end of the chorus she had cleaned her legs, picked up Beca's bloody hand and cleaned it, and by the end of the song she had turned off the water and they sat there, waiting for the bleeding to stop. As silence filled the room once more Beca said timidly, "It doesn't hurt anymore." Chloe smiled, unsure whether it was appropriate to say that was a good thing knowing it conflicted with Beca's aims. She grabbed a towel and pressed it against both of Beca's legs – they weren't bleeding much anymore but there were still horizontal lines of blood appearing on top of the cuts._

_"Don't, it will stain the towel," Beca protested, remembering all too well the times she had laboriously scrubbed at her mother's towels at home. "I'll buy new ones," Chloe said, not bothering to mention that the particular towel she had grabbed was Aubrey's. Once the bleeding had subsided, they walked into Chloe's room to find clothes for Beca to wear. Chloe reached into Beca's side of the wardrobe and pulled out tracksuit bottoms and a navy blue hoodie with "New York ATH. Dept" written on it. Beca took the hoodie and pulled it over her bare body but shook her head at the trousers. "The material… it will rub against the cuts," she explained. Chloe put them back and instead pulled out a pair of shorts that would only just cover Beca's ass._

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As Beca pulled the shorts on Chloe thought how the brunette had everything thought out so perfectly, almost like a performance that had been rehearsed time and time again. But then again, in a way it was. They wandered back into the living room and sat on the sofa, and Chloe tried not to look at the legs opposite her that had just been torn apart. Beca didn't yet feel comfortable having her scars on show; today was obviously just an exception. But it was unusual for her to sit there so vulnerably on show with Chloe next to her, and Chloe didn't want to ruin that trust by staring. Instead she said, "You wanted to talk to me, about what happened with the therapist."

Beca nodded and took a while to find the right words, still trying to adjust to them herself. "She said I'm walking a very fine line between therapy and institutionalisation. Basically, I need to show that I am committed to recovery and show progress early on otherwise she'll have to refer me to a psychiatric hospital." The words sounded strange leaving her mouth, especially as she was saying them in the first person. "We made a compromise," she continued, "She's going to keep her finger away from dialling the local loony-bin's number as long as I am very closely supervised. Once a week I have to see the campus nurse to have all my wounds checked to ensure they're not getting infected; twice a week I have to go and see her for an hour; whenever I go to the gym I need to have someone with me to pull me off the running machine every fifteen minutes, to make sure I don't overwork myself on purpose; and although she accepts that I'm not going to stop cutting straight away she wants me to try and do it less."

"So what just happened? If you're supposed to be cutting less?"

"I guess that was me telling myself that was my last time, so I might as well make it a good one. Kind of like a smoker having his last fag."

Chloe paused before asking her next question. "What does it feel like?"

* * *

_"It feels like a drug," Beca explained, not needing to think about it. "When I do a couple of cuts on my arm as punishment for something, it hurts, like it's supposed to. But when I cut the way I just did… It feels like such a rush. It's like my heart stops, and everything else stops, and it's just me in that moment and nothing else matters. It sounds stupid but when I'm standing there after cutting but before the after-pain kicks in, I wonder why anyone does drugs, when they could just do this."_

* * *

Her eyes trailed off as if describing the feeling had her in some sort of trance, so Chloe reached out and squeezed her hand. "Well you can get feelings even better than that; it's just a matter of finding out how else to get it. And I'm going to make sure you don't need to go to hospital. I'll come with you to the nurse; I'll come with you to the gym; I'll be here after every therapy session so you can talk to me; and I'm going to help you cut less."

Beca half-smiled, grateful for the gesture but unsure how the last one would work out. "You've seen what happens and how I have absolutely no willpower, so how are you going to help stop that?"

"If you want to cut, or burn, or hit your arm, or just do anything self-destructive then you come and get me. Hell, even if you're just in a bad mood you come and get me. If it's two in the morning and I haven't slept in a week, you come and get me."

"What if you're in a class?"

"Then you call me and I'll run to you. I can catch up on work the next day, but you can't exactly take back _this_ the next day," Chloe said, gesturing to Beca's legs.

Beca looked at Chloe for a moment, waiting for her to say that there was a catch or a limit to the amount of times she could ask for help, but the older girl remained silent. "You're serious about this?" she asked, wanting to give Chloe an out before she let herself in for what would be a hellish ride.

"I'm serious about you," Chloe replied, wanting Beca to see just how committed she was to helping her. "_I love you_," she said, emphasising each word. "I'm with you throughout all of this whether you like it or not, because I have fallen in love with you and I am not going to let you go."

Tears brimmed in Beca's eyes and she leant forwards, bringing Chloe into a slow, sensitive kiss. No one had ever said it to her like that before. At home her parents always said "I love you," but it had always felt forced, like it was out of routine because that's what families were supposed to say to one another. But the way that Chloe said it felt real, and natural, and it was that which prompted Beca to say, "I love you too."


	9. Chapter 9

**A.N: Hey everyone, just a quick note to say thank you so much for reading and please please please keep reviewing! Your reviews are what improve this story so I need you! Hope you enjoy this chapter x**

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For two weeks, Chloe had hardly left Beca's side. The girlfriend/roommate balance had completely gone out the window. If Beca needed someone to stay with her at night, Chloe was there, and actually grateful for the comfortable mattress in comparison to the couch. If Beca needed someone to stand by her side as she made a coffee, Chloe was there. She was there sitting by the bathroom door when Beca didn't trust herself to take a shower without talking to someone as a distraction; when Beca froze with anxiety; she was there all the time and she didn't mind one bit. Thankfully she had only needed to leave class once, but as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket she knew she would need to leave again. She glanced down at her phone beneath her notebook and saw a text from Aubrey.

_Need you home ASAP. It's Beca._

Without a second's hesitation she stood up and called out to her teacher, "I feel really ill, can I go see the school nurse?" As usual her teacher let her go without any further questions, and as soon as she was out the door Chloe broke into a run. She ran out of the building, across the quad, and all the way to her apartment without stopping. By the time she reached the front door she was breathing heavily, and so stood for a few moments to regain composure and clear her mind. Eventually she opened the front door and stepped inside, wondering where Beca was.

Her question was answered when Aubrey stepped out of the bedroom that Beca was occupying and steadily approached Chloe. "I can't get her to move. She got home from class and walked straight into your room, so I figured she needed some space. The next thing I hear is glass smashing and I ran in there to find her curled up in the corner of the room. There's blood on her hand – not much, but I don't know where it's from. It's like she's frozen, she won't move."

"It's her head," Chloe said, "It's too loud. This happened before… At least, the last time she hid in a corner it was because of her head."

"I shouldn't have let her go in there alone… I'm so sorry Chloe."

"Don't. It's not your fault – she's been so strong these last few days it's been exhausting her. I doubt even I could have stopped her."

Chloe briefly touched Aubrey's hand reassuringly before heading towards her bedroom. Slowly she walked inside and saw Beca in the corner, much like she was that time in the bathroom at rehearsal, looking tinier than ever. "Hey," she said softly, walking over and sitting by Beca's side. "Is it your head?" Beca nodded ever so slightly Chloe had to think twice as to whether or not she imagined it. Gently she reached over to Beca's hand and felt her ice cold fingers as she tried to get a better look at the small amount of blood across her knuckles. It didn't look serious at all, but Chloe wondered what had caused it.

She glanced around her room until her eyes fell on her mirror. It was still there, but shattered with fractures spreading across the whole glass. Slowly she pieced together what had happened: Beca's head was too loud; she couldn't stop hearing all of her criticisms; she saw her reflection, and lashed out at it. "Oh sweetie…" she said, cradling Beca's hand between her own. "Does it hurt?" Beca shook her head and a single tear quickly ran down her cheek, which she quickly hit away. "Sorry…" she whispered. That seemed to be a habit of hers, Chloe thought - apologising when there was nothing to apologise for. Retreating to corners was another habit.

Knowing she needed to distract Beca, Chloe scanned her brain for something to say that she could focus on. "Did you know that a lot of athletes and musicians take beta-blockers? They help keep their heart rate roughly level before a performance. The beta-blockers bind themselves to receptors on the cells of the heart, and because the receptors are blocked it's harder for the heart to be affected by symptoms of stress. They work by reducing the activity of adrenaline and noradrenaline, which form part of the sympathomedullary pathway which kicks in at times of acute stress. This system causes increased heart rate, sweaty palms, dilated pupils, and rapid breathing."

By the time Chloe was finished even she was wrapped up in her own words, until she noticed Beca broken out of her statue-like position and staring at her. "I don't know where you learnt that," she said, "But I think your geek was showing." Chloe smirked and held lightly onto Beca's hand. "Shall we go into the living room?" she asked, and Beca nodded. Slowly they stood up and walked into the main room where Aubrey was sitting on the sofa. They joined her, but not long after Chloe got up to make a drink for all of them. "I'll help you," Aubrey said and followed her into the kitchen. They stood at the counter while the kettle boiled, muffling their conversation. "You're incredible with her. How the heck did you get her to move?"

"You just need to talk to her, give her something to focus on. Make sure she has to really listen to what you're saying, but don't make it too complex because that will stress her out even more."

"Okay. I'll remember that for next time, although hopefully there won't be one."

The kettle switched off and they made the drinks, saying no more about the situation before settling back down on the sofa.

Later that night after returning from a two hour Bella's rehearsal in preparation for the upcoming sectionals competition, Chloe was sitting on the sofa with Beca laying down, resting her head on the older girls lap. Aubrey had gone out, leaving the two girls with the apartment to themselves. Chloe ran her fingers soothingly through Beca's hair as both of them enjoyed the luxury of the soft sofa, and it was Beca who broke the silence first. "Chloe," she said cautiously, "I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I'm a… um… a-a…" her lips shaped to form the next word but nerves paralysed her mouth before she could fully say it, until Chloe began to make gentle circles on the back of her hand with the tip of her finger. "You don't have to be nervous," she said, and Beca relaxed slightly before trying again. "I sort of… haven't really had sex before."

"Okay. So you're a virgin."

"It sounds even more embarrassing when you say it! I'm kind of a virgin, I guess." Beca sighed, covering her face with her hands. Chloe laughed and moved her hands out of the way before leaning down and placing a kiss on Beca's nose. "It's not embarrassing; it's completely and honestly fine."

"No it's not. I mean, we have sex, but I never get undressed. So it's like you have sex but I'm still this embarrassing half-virgin."

"I don't want to pressure you into anything – we don't have to do anything until you're ready. If you want we can stop before things go too far so I don't have sex either, that way it's fair."

"That's not what I mean. I mean… I've been thinking about it for a while. I want you to be my first. I want to have sex, with you, but I thought I should probably tell you I've never done it before."

"Okay, so we take it slow. And you call the shots – if you want to stop then we stop."

"Okay," Beca said, a smile forming on her lips. Chloe leant down and drew her into a kiss before Beca slowly sat up and turned to face her. Their bodies drew closer for another kiss, this time more slow and sensual. Chloe's hands placed lightly onto the smaller girl's waist, gently leaning her onto her back. She positioned herself between Beca's legs and kissed from her chest back up to her mouth, her red hair cascading over her shoulders and lightly brushing against Beca's pale skin. As they kissed they could both feel the heat between them building, and Chloe noticed a particular heat pressing against her legs. She slowly raised her knee until it was pressing against the warmth, making the smaller girl jump slightly beneath her. "Are you okay?" she asked in a hushed voice.

Beca nodded, and Chloe took it that the jump was a good response. She ran her hands up Beca's sides lightly pulling at the red top she was wearing, revealing a band of smooth, bare skin. Slowly she snaked her right hand up Beca's top, occasionally grazing her skin with her nails as she went causing a soft, quiet moan to elicit from Beca's mouth. Beneath her hand she cupped Beca's breast, and she realised that they had never even reached this far before. Every time they had gotten intimate, Beca had always made sure to switch it round so that Chloe was getting all the attention. She kicked herself for not bringing it up before and felt selfish and guilty, which made her more determined to make Beca's first time even more special.

As she moved her hands back down to the hem of Beca's top she felt the smaller girl tense beneath her, and she pulled her lips away to search for reassurance in her eyes. "I just… my scars," Beca whispered, biting her tongue to stop the fear completely overtaking her.

"You don't have to worry," Chloe said, "You're beautiful with or without them." It was then that she also realised that apart from that one time in the shower, she had never seen Beca's whole arms. Even in the shower she was too focused on her legs to notice her arms. She had seen one of her forearms when she first found out about her self-harm, but that was it. Particular in this moment it was even worse than usual for Beca to reveal her arms – this was a much more intimate and personal setting. But she was determined to at least try and let her scars not ruin her life, so she nodded, encouraging Chloe to continue.

Tentatively Chloe began to lift Beca's shirt; revealing her pale, tense stomach. Slowly the fabric reached her chest, and Chloe could literally feel the smaller girl's heart pounding in her tiny frame. It was so fast and prominent that she feared it was about to burst out of her ribcage. She looked into Beca's eyes hoping to calm and reassure her, but she saw nothing but panic. "We can stop, if you want," she said full of honesty. But Beca merely shook her head and took in a deep breath. "No, I'm fine," she replied with a trembling voice.

Chloe hesitated briefly, and then began to raise the top up even slower than before, but she lifted it no more than two inches before Beca flinched beneath her and said, "Wait. I can't, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I can't." She covered her face with her hands as Chloe pulled her top back down around her waist and skilfully manoeuvred herself to lie next to Beca. "That's okay," she said, "I told you – you call the shots." Beca smiled gratefully at Chloe and said, "You're amazing, you know that?"

"No, I'm just being a decent person." Chloe placed a quick, gentle kiss on Beca's lips and wrapped her in her arms. Beca rested her head against Chloe's collarbone as their legs tangled together in the limited space on the sofa and they lay content with being in each other's arms. As they both started to drift off to sleep Chloe said, "Do you want to go to bed?"

Beca shook her head and replied sleepily, "No. Comfy."

"Okay, but I should warn you this couch will give you neck ache in the morning," Chloe said shifting closer. She was used to the aches and pains from the sofa and Beca wasn't, but she was too tired and too content with the way their bodies fit together perfectly to insist on moving.


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N: Just a quick note to say that in this chapter I used the idea of the burning boat festival, which is in fact from One Tree Hill. I don't watch OTH but I saw one episode with the festival in and absolutely fell in love with the concept of it, and thought it would be so appropriate for Beca in this chapter. Thank you all for reading, and please keep reviewing!**

Once rehearsals and classes were out of the way on Friday, Beca and Chloe packed a small suitcase each and loaded it into the back of Chloe's car. They were going to North Carolina for the weekend to spend it with the Beale family and were setting out Friday night for the two hour flight ahead of them. By the time they arrived in North Carolina it was nearing midnight and both girls were beyond exhausted as they tiptoed into the bedroom decorated by a sixteen year old Chloe. "Butterflies? Really?" Beca asked sleepily as she climbed beneath a butterfly duvet, too tired to change into pyjamas.

"What? I thought they were cool," Chloe said defensively as she stepped out of her jeans. She unhooked her bra with one hand and squirmed out of it, still keeping her t-shirt on, and climbed into bed next Beca. No more was said on the butterfly matter as both of them drifted into a deep sleep, waiting anxiously for the morning where they would awake with the rest of the household.

It was Beca who woke first, and she quietly stepped into the en suite bathroom to freshen up. She didn't know how long she spent staring in the mirror and wondering what everyone would think of her, but it must have been a while as Chloe eventually came up behind her and said, "Are you ever going to move from this spot?" Beca smiled back at her reflection as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her stomach and she leant back into the embrace. "I'm just worried. What if they don't like me?"

"They'll love you, how can they not? You're just meeting my mom and brother today, my dad's away with work but he'll be home tomorrow." Chloe said comfortingly and placed a kiss against Beca's neck. They stood there for a few moments before Chloe spoke up again, "There's something you should probably know." Immediately Beca spun round, trying to go over every possible scenario and solution in her head that could lead on from that sentence. "Don't look so worried. It's just my little brother. I should have told you earlier, but I guess I never found the right moment. He's autistic." Chloe bit down on her lip anxiously, searching Beca's face for any sign of disgust or surprise.

However, Beca merely smiled and said, "Okay. You don't have to look so scared; I'm not going to jump on the next plane home just because your brother is autistic."

"Really? Because that's been the deal breaker for girls before and they've left without another word. He can be a handful so I don't want-"

"Chloe, honestly it's fine. I'm not leaving." Beca placed a reassuring kiss on Chloe's lips before heading back into the bedroom to change into a pair of black jeans with a black vest top and red plaid shirt. Half an hour later they were both ready and heading down stairs, gripping tightly onto one another's hands. Beca took in a deep breath as they walked into the kitchen and was greeted by the scent of pancakes filling the air around them. A woman spun round from the stove and moved a frying pan off the heat before walking eagerly across the kitchen. Her hair was scooped back into a ponytail and was a fiery red to match her daughters, although several grey hairs were beginning to show.

Beca was overwhelmed as she was enveloped into a hug and the woman said, "You must be Beca! I'm so pleased to meet you! I'm Mrs Beale, but call me Jean. I hope you like pancakes, because I've made enough for everyone." Eventually Beca was released from the embrace and she couldn't wipe the grin from her face. "Y-yes. I mean, I-I-I like pancakes," she managed to stutter out, and Jean ushered them both to the neatly laid out table before returning to the stove. Chloe lowered her voice and said, "You don't have to be nervous, she loves you already."

"I know," Beca said, "That's what's making me nervous. I've never met a parent who's so… lovely. I mean, she hugged me and she's making us pancakes – this is completely new territory for me." Chloe comfortingly squeezed Beca's hand, realising not for the first time in her life just how lucky she was. There was a lot of benign neglect in Beca's house, so of course this would be overwhelming for her. But overwhelming in a good way, Chloe hoped. After a filling breakfast and what must have been a hundred questions into Beca's life, the two girls carried the plates over to the sink and began to wash up.

"Hey, I have an idea," Jean called out from the table as she picked up her coffee, "Why don't you two girls go to the burning boat festival? It's a great atmosphere and I'm sure Beca would enjoy it."

"Sound good Ma," Chloe replied, remembering the annual tradition that she had grown up with. Beca smiled graciously but couldn't hide the confusion on her face. Before she could ask what exactly the burning boat festival was, an energetic noise charged into the room. A young boy around the age of ten sped around the kitchen with his arms out to the side and buzzed loudly like an aeroplane. "Joseph calm down! We have a guest – behave yourself!" Jean said firmly, but couldn't help but smile. Immediately the young boy grounded to a halt and finished by saying, "Don't go sideways, I will never be an aeroplane!"

Jean looked up at Beca and explained, "He says that a lot – it doesn't mean a thing but he won't stop saying it." Joseph followed his mother's gaze and ran over to Chloe, hiding behind her legs and clasping onto her pink top. "Joe, I'd like you to meet Beca," Chloe said, prising him out from behind her. Cautiously he stepped out and looked Beca up and down before saying, "Do you like sharks?"

"I like them, but they scare me sometimes. Do you?" Beca replied.

"I like them and they don't scare me," Joe said proudly before taking her by the hand. Chloe watched him warily and said, "Joe, do you remember what I told you?" He looked up as he scanned his brain for the answer, and then dropped Beca's hand and took one step back. "Is it okay for me to hold your hand?" he asked politely, and Beca extended her hand again and nodded. His other hand flapped excitedly as he said, "Can I show you my sharks?" Beca grinned and said, "Okay," before being eagerly pulled up the stairs.

Chloe followed with a watchful eye as they entered Joe's bedroom and he released Beca from his grasp as he ran over to some posters. "Sorry about that," she whispered into Beca's ear, "He's very hands-on with strangers and we're trying to teach him some restraint."

"It's fine. He's lovely," Beca replied, unable to get rid of the smile on her face. Soon Joe returned to pull her over to his bed where he had spread out countless fact sheets and posters about sharks. Beca scanned her eyes over all the photos and facts and didn't notice Joe staring up at her, searching her face intensely for some sort of response. "He's looking for your approval," Chloe whispered in her ear. Beca looked down at Joe's lit up face and said, "This is seriously cool, I love it."

He began to flap his hands in the air and started to explain his favourite shark and it's typical bite strength, length, weight, location, and prey. After half an hour of shark-education Chloe said, "We need to go and get ready for the festival, we'll see you later Joe." He nodded and put all the posters away before approaching Beca and bashfully asking, "Can I give you a hug?"

"Of course," Beca replied with a grin and knelt down to his level as he wrapped his tiny arms around her small frame. As they retreated to Chloe's bedroom they could hear him begin to say again, "Don't go sideways, I will never be an aeroplane." Beca shut the door behind them and said, "Can he come and live with us?" Chloe laughed, impressed and relieved that Beca had taken to him so well and vice versa. "I wish he could, but I doubt Aubrey would be willing to give up America's Next Top Model for countless shark documentaries."

"True. Maybe he could just come up for the day or something?"

"Definitely – we'll sort something when we get back. But right now, we need to get ready for the festival."

"About that," Beca said warily, "What exactly is this fire boat thing?"

"It's the burning boat festival; it's been a tradition here for as long as I can remember. Basically down by the river there's a boat that you fill with bad memories or things that signify a part of your life you want to leave in the past, and they burn it. Everyone gets together for it and we're all kind of united by our mistakes."

"What kind of things do people put in there?"

"Well… one year I took a load of empty bottles and cigarette packs that I had stashed in my room. I had spent months coping with the pressure of school by drinking and smoking, but then my mom found out and it broke her heart. It was then I decided enough was enough and I had to face my problems rather than drink until I didn't even know what day of the week it was, let alone what my problems were. So I drained the bottles, and put everything into a box and put it on the boat. When they set fire to it all, it was symbolic and so unbelievably liberating. It really made me feel like I could leave it all behind."

Beca seemed to ponder over something in her mind before walking over to her suitcase and placing it on the bed. She unzipped it, searched to the bottom of her case, and pulled out a small black bag. "I brought this with me… I'm sorry, I just never feel safe if I'm without it. But maybe I can put this on the boat. Maybe I can leave all this behind once and for all." Chloe didn't even need to ask to know that in the bag were all of Beca's blades, bandages, and cigarettes. "I think that's a great idea," she said encouragingly, and a small smile appeared on Beca's face.

They were ready hours before they needed to leave, but they were never at a loss for things to do. If Joe wasn't persuading them to watch a film with him, Jean was enjoying teaching them how to bake an apple crumble cake or showing them the flowers she had grown in the garden. Late in the afternoon it was finally time to go, and they walked out the door after being fussed over by Jean to stay safe, not get too close to the fire, and to have fun. They took a slow walk down to the river where a crowd was already gathering and the boat sat in the water, gradually filling up with various items that all had some significance to someone in the crowd. Beca held on to the bag with one hand and gripped Chloe's hand tightly with the other. As they approached the boat Beca turned and said with a panicked voice, "I don't know if I can do this. I can't leave it all behind, I'm not… I'm not complete without it. It's such a big part of me now I can't let it go."

Chloe took Beca by the shoulders and said, "You can do this. Sure it's a big part of you, but that doesn't mean it's good for you. I know it's hard and I know it's scary – you're getting rid of your safety net. You have fallen back on everything in this bag time and time again, but now you don't need to. Because I'll be your safety net, and you can fall back on me. I'm not saying this will solve everything instantly but it will be the first step on a very long road, and I promise I'll be with you the whole way." Beca took in a deep breath and said, "Okay." She nodded to reaffirm the word and held onto Chloe's hand again as they walked up to the edge of the boat.

She paused for a moment and looked amongst the items already sitting in the boat, wondering the stories behind them. Then she took in another deep breath, loosened her grip slightly on Chloe's hand, and threw the bag into the middle of the boat. For a few moments she stood there staring at it, wondering if it was too late to get it back. But Chloe was right – she didn't need it anymore. She didn't need a safety net constructed of sharp edges when she had Chloe, and that was a much better alternative.

They walked back to take a seat and bought a hot chocolate from someone wandering around with a large tray, and admired the way the water looked as the sun set in the sky. Just as dusk fell a woman stood up on a podium and spoke briefly about the burning boat festival, before taking a flaming staff and dipping the fire into the boat. The flames licked around the corners of the structure as it spread quickly, catching onto everything in its path. Several cheers called out from the crowd as the occasional green or blue flame would dart up as it burnt through something colourful. Beca could just about make out the black bag in the middle, but it soon disappeared from sight as jaws of fire clenched around it, engulfing it with the rest of the boat.

Chloe was right. It truly was liberating. Beca turned to the older girl and said, "I love you. You were so right. Thank you for bringing me here, thank you for making me do this."

"Don't thank me, it was you that went and got the bag from your suitcase. I just gave you a nudge in the right direction. But this was all you."

Beca pulled her in for a kiss and their lips melted together, still warm from the hot chocolate. As they pulled away Chloe rested their foreheads together and looked into Beca's cobalt eyes. "You're so amazing." Usually Beca would have shaken her head in disagreement, but there was something in Chloe's voice that made her decide to let this compliment slide, just this once. The atmosphere was incredible, so they hung around for a while before eventually heading back home. By the time they walked through the door Joe was inevitably in bed, but Jean was sitting up and watching TV. "I'm beat, I'm going to go straight to bed," Beca said and placed a quick kiss on Chloe's lips. "Night Jean, thank you so much for everything," she called out, and Jean graciously told her that it was the least she could do.

"I'll be up in a minute," Chloe said and watched her girlfriend pad tiredly up the stairs. Once she had disappeared from sight, Chloe wandered over to the sofa and sat next to her mom. Jean switched off the TV and turned to look at her daughter with a smile on her face. "She's great. Joe asked me if she can come and live with us, and I was actually tempted to say yes." A wide grin spread defiantly across Chloe's face as she felt so thankful that her mom approved of Beca. "I know. She loves you and Joe already; I think she's really enjoying having a loving family around her."

"I can tell she's not used to a family like ours. I don't mean to pry, but I'm guessing her family isn't exactly warm and welcoming?"

"Her parents are divorced. Beca once told me that they did say 'I love you' to her, but it was only out of routine. She never actually felt they meant it."

"It's such a shame; she's such a lovely girl. You tell her that both of you are always welcome here, whenever you want for however long you want."

"Thank you," Chloe said, and pulled her mom into a hug. "I love you," she said as they pulled away. "I love you too," Jean replied. They sat for a moment before Jean said finally, "We should both get to bed; I don't want you to be too tired for the journey home tomorrow." Chloe nodded and they stood up, but before they headed upstairs her mom looked at her and said, "You're so lucky to have one another."

"I know. I don't know what I would do without her," Chloe replied with a heartfelt smile on her face.


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm going to puke."

"No you're not Beca; you're going to be fine."

"Now I know how Aubrey felt at the ICCA's," Beca groaned as she clutched onto the edges of the toilet bowl. "Beca, I love you and I trust you. I know you're going to be fine and my dad will think you're amazing," Chloe said as she tugged Beca up from the floor. She smirked at the adorable pout forming on her girlfriends face and pulled her into the bedroom to get ready. Beca picked up her grey and white striped jumper and stared at it before saying, "Are you sure this is okay? It's not too… casual?"

"It's perfect. Trust me," Chloe said and kissed away the pout from Beca's face. "Now come on, my mom's doing a fry-up for breakfast." Eventually they got changed and headed downstairs, and Beca felt her breath catch in her throat as they entered the kitchen. Sitting at the kitchen table was a very pristine looking man with his hair finely trimmed, a shirt expertly ironed, and a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. He looked up and stared at Beca for a moment before inviting her to sit down. Chloe went to help Jean with the cooking, leaving the two of them to get to know one another.

"So," he began, "What are you studying?" He was blunt and straight to the point, which Beca didn't know whether to find admirable or intimidating. "I'm err… I'm studying philosophy." He gave a brief nod of approval before interrogating further into her life and prospects, but didn't seem as impressed when she brought up her plans to break into the music business. "Does it pay well?" was his only question.

"Well, sir, I don't think that's the most important aspect of a career," Beca said defensively, and breathed a sigh of relief when Chloe wandered over with their plates filled with a delicious breakfast. "Dad, I hope you're being nice?" she asked and patted him on the back before taking a seat next to Beca. Mr Beale gave his daughter a reassuring smile before they all tucked into breakfast. "Joe! Come and have your breakfast!" Jean shouted up the stairs, and within moments the young boy came bombing into the kitchen. He took a seat next to Beca and grinned when his mom set down a bowl of cereal in front of him. She also handed him a pill box, and he opened it up and swallowed the contents of the 'Sunday' section as if they were sweets.

The first few moments were spent in silence before Mr Beale began his questioning again, resulting in a playful smack on the arm from Jean. "Now Daniel, let the girls eat," she said, knowing how full on her husband could be. "Last question, I promise. What are your grades like? Are you the sort of person to stay on top of things in class?" Beca swallowed a mouthful of food before taking a moment to think of the correct answer. She didn't want to lie to him, but she didn't want to disappoint him either. "Y-yes. Well, if I'm interested in the topic a-an… and put my mind to it then yes." She fixed her gaze on her plate, hoping he wouldn't pick up on her stutter. Unfortunately he did, and was about to say something but was interrupted by Jean instructing him to let them all enjoy breakfast in peace.

Once they had all finished eating the girls headed up to Chloe's room with Joe close behind them. "Joe, go to your own room," Chloe said, but he seemed to ignore her. He looked at Beca and reached for her hand but quickly pulled away, remembering the lesson from yesterday. "You stutter?" he asked, taking both of the girls by surprise. Beca looked at him for a moment before answering, "Sometimes, if I get nervous." Joe nodded and smiled at her comfortingly. "I do too; only when I have to talk in front of my class though."

"Nice to know I'm not alone," Beca replied, and he smiled at her one last time before walking out the door and into his own room. The moment passed and Beca turned to Chloe before saying, "Your dad hates me. He thinks I have a disappointing future."

"No he doesn't. He was just curious about what you wanted to do – he wasn't judging." Beca raised an eyebrow in disbelief before sitting down on the bed in despair. She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes and groaned loudly, only opening her eyes when she felt Chloe straddle her lap. "You were perfect," the redhead said, pressing her lips firmly against Beca's. So as not to allow the smaller girl time to protest, Chloe didn't release her from the kiss until their minds were completely off the topic of her father. She ran her hands teasingly up and down Beca's back, but a noise from the hallway prompted them to reluctantly pull apart for fear of Joe or her parents walking in on them.

They spent the rest of the day just hanging out around the house: looking at adorable photos of Chloe growing up, watching a movie, and playing games with Joe. Eventually it was time for them to leave, and as Chloe ran upstairs to grab the last of their bags Daniel Beale pulled Beca to one side. "I'm glad my daughter has you in her life," he said, provoking a very shocked expression to appear on Beca's face. "You make her happy. Now I don't know much about the career path of a DJ, but you seem to know what you're doing. I trust you're doing the right thing. Just don't let me down."

"I won't sir," Beca replied respectfully, and they parted as Chloe came clumsily back down the stairs. Jean gave them a ride to the airport where they said a very heartfelt goodbye, and promised to come and visit again soon. They boarded the plane and took their seats, bracing themselves for the two hour flight. Chloe coughed and raised her hand to her neck, feeling a sharp pain shoot through her throat. "Are you okay?" Beca asked concernedly.

"I'm fine," Chloe said, not too sure whether she believed herself. "I've just got a sore throat coming on." She smiled reassuringly before resting her head on Beca's shoulder as the plane took off. By the time they arrived back at the apartment it was pitch black and Aubrey was already in bed. Too tired to obey the rules to balance out girlfriend and roommate behaviour, Chloe followed Beca into her room and curled up behind her in bed once they were changed into pyjamas. "Night," she whispered, before falling into a well needed sleep.

Ten hours later light was pouring in through gaps in the curtains and Beca was already dressed, ready to leave for class. "Are you planning on getting up today?" Beca asked teasingly as she looked on at Chloe lying in her bed. She was about to yank the duvet away from her and force her to get up, but as she stepped closer she noticed just how pale Chloe was, and how her usually sparkling blue eyes now just looked dull. "Babe what's wrong? You don't look too good." Chloe swallowed and let out a long breath before saying, "I don't know… Every time I move my stomach churns and my head spins. And my throat is killing me." Beca sat down gently next to her on the bed and soothingly stroked her hair. She pulled out her phone and Chloe croaked out, "What are you doing?"

"I'm emailing my teacher to let him know I won't be in class today."

"Don't – I can't make you miss class just because I'm ill."

"Chloe, I've made you miss lessons because I punched a mirror and then froze. I think it's about time I looked after you for once."

A wave of dizziness encouraged Chloe to accept the offer and she nodded gratefully. Beca smiled caringly before pressing her hand against her forehead, and on feeling the burning skin beneath her palm she walked into the bathroom. When she returned she had a flannel damp with cold water and she folded it before placing it across Chloe's forehead. "What do you think is wrong?" she asked, trying to figure out what they had come into contact with over the weekend. "I'm not sure," Chloe replied, "Maybe it's just a stomach bug. My throat has been hurting for a while so I don't think that's related to the dizziness or nausea, but it doesn't exactly help."

"Okay. Just rest here for as long as you need. I'm going to make you a drink that should help soothe your throat but I'll be right back," Beca said, and headed out into the kitchen. As she approached the counter she realised that this would be the first time she'd be making a hot drink without Chloe by her side in a while. She let out a long breath and muttered to herself, "Okay, I can do this." She flicked the switch on the kettle, pulled out a mug from the cupboard, and took a lemon from the fruit bowl. There she was faced with her first obstacle, as she took a knife from the drawer and stood with it clasped in her hand.

Taking lots of deep breaths she very slowly sliced into the lemon, cutting it in half. She stared at her arm, then the knife, and then back to her arm again. Then, remembering the burning boat festival and the way she managed to throw the bag into the boat she tossed the knife into the sink without another thought. She squeezed both halves of the lemon into the glass before adding in two spoonfuls of honey to help sweeten it. Once the water had finished boiling she poured it into the glass and added two spoonfuls of sugar to take away the bitterness of the lemon, and stirred it with a spoon. This was the hardest part, as she removed the spoon from the glass and moved it towards her arm before yanking it away again.

"I can do this," she repeated, but her fingers remained tightly around the burning hot spoon. She moved it towards her arm several times, but never actually rolled up her sleeve or pressed it against her skin. Eventually she walked over to the sink and released it before letting out a sigh of relief. After taking a few moments to compose herself she walked back into the bedroom carrying the drink and set it down beside Chloe. "Look what I made," she said, and Chloe did her best to beam a smile at her. "Thank you. I'm really proud of you," she replied quietly, and Beca leant down to place a kiss on her forehead as she removed the flannel.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

"You hate movies."

"But I love you, and today is all about you."

Chloe's lips formed into a weak smile as she suggested Finding Nemo, which Beca loaded into her laptop and sat on a chair next to the bed. She positioned the screen so they could both see it, and as the movie started Chloe linked their hands together on top of the duvet. Eventually Beca didn't care about whether or not whatever Chloe had was contagious, and climbed into the bed next to her. Before the movie had finished Chloe had drifted off to sleep again, but Beca watched it to the end just so she could say she had watched it. As the final credits rolled onto the screen she shut the lid of her laptop and placed it on the floor. She curled up by the side of Chloe and ran a soothing hand through her hair, hoping it would somehow help take away any pain she was feeling.


	12. Chapter 12

**A.N: Just a quick note to say thank you for reading and please keep reviewing! Also I'm planning a new fanfic for Beca and Chloe which will be an AU where they both have supernatural powers and meet when they both attend a school specialist for people like them. Kind of like a Pitch Perfect/X-Men crossover but not quite. Let me know your thoughts on this idea! Thank you, and enjoy reading :)**

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It was the day of the Bella's first performance at SBT and Beca stood in the kitchen, sleepily pouring some cereal into a bowl. Thankfully Chloe's illness was just a 24 hour bug that she was well clear of by now, and so had returned to sleeping on the sofa at night if Beca didn't need her. Beca hadn't even notice her get up and hurry into the bedroom to get dressed, and would have missed her again if the older girl didn't stumble over her feet on the way to the door. "Oh you're up," she called out, "Do you want some breakfast?"

"I can't – I've got a doctor's appointment in ten minutes to get my throat checked out."

"Okay. What about SBT?"

"I'll have to go straight there from the doctors, so I'll see you there?"

"Sure, good luck!"

Chloe walked out the door and left Beca as she wandered over to the sofa and casually flicked through the channels. Once she had finished eating she took her time getting ready, fully aware of how unprepared the Bellas were for the gig. Nevertheless, Aubrey seemed determined to make them go through with it to raise money for transport to Nationals (assuming they even qualified in Regionals). Beca pulled on the signature blazer, skirt, and scarf and stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring critically at her reflection.

She tried to push her stomach flat with her hands, and then anxiously ran her fingers through her hair. Just as she scooped her hair up into a ponytail Aubrey walked through the door and said, "I won't make a habit of this, but I'm leaving now and if you're ready we can go together?"

"Sounds great," Beca replied distractedly as she tugged the sleeves of her blazer down until the majority of her hands were covered. Aubrey could tell that the younger girl was getting locked onto her appearance, and the last time that happened she ended up punching a mirror. "Beca…" she said cautiously, taking a step towards her. "Sweetie you look fine." As Beca smoothed down her shirt it was obvious that she couldn't even hear Aubrey, so the blonde stepped closer and placed a hand gingerly on her arm. "Come on, let's go. We don't want to be late." The physical contact caught Beca's attention and she turned her head to make eye contact with Aubrey. She gave a weak smile before moving away from the mirror, and Aubrey breathed a sigh of relief.

They walked to SBT and by the time Chloe arrived there wasn't any time to talk, so they hurried into position in silence. The performance was over faster than it began, which didn't come as any surprise to Beca but it was still disappointing. As they walked shamefully off campus Aubrey launched into her usual list of criticisms before turning on Chloe, who had stopped in her tracks and was gazing at nothing in particular. "Chloe for serious, what is wrong with you?" the Bella asked, quickly losing her patience. Chloe turned around to face her friends and explained, "I have nodes."

Aubrey's expression fell as she gasped, "Oh my god…"

"I found out this morning," Chloe continued, but Beca was still confused as to what was actually wrong. "What are nodes?"

"Vocal nodules!" Aubrey replied as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. When Beca still looked none the wiser she elaborated, "The rubbing together of your vocal chords at above average rate without proper lubrication." The whole time Aubrey was speaking Chloe looked at Beca with pain in her eyes. She felt weak and vulnerable, and all she wanted was to curl up in her girlfriend's arms where she could feel safe again. Eventually she found her voice and said, "They sit on your windpipe and they crush your dreams."

"Isn't that painful?! Why would you keep performing?"

"Because I love to sing."

Beca held Chloe's gaze for a few moments, not knowing what to say or do except hug her until the pain went away. But before she could move Stacie started talking about her lady doctor, and Beca had to blink to refrain from rolling her eyes as she took in a sharp breath and bit down on her lip.

When they finally arrived back on campus Aubrey ordered all of them to cancel any plans they had for the rest of the day, and led them straight to the auditorium for an emergency rehearsal. No one had the energy to protest because it wouldn't be worth it. Any time spent complaining would be added on as extra time in cardio, which no one wanted. Silently and begrudgingly they all followed like drones as Aubrey and Chloe demonstrated the steps at the front of the group, and only once they were all dripping in sweat and out of breath were they allowed a five minute break. Lilly sprinted to the toilet without a word, Fat Amy dropped to the floor in exasperation, and Beca grabbed her water bottle before walking over to Chloe. "Hey, are you okay? Are you sure you should be rehearsing with your node things?"

Chloe smiled and replied, "I'll be fine; I just need to know my limits. Aubrey understands, I think." Beca placed a quick kiss on the side of her cheek before a shrill voice called out across the hall, "Okay everyone, back to work!"

"What the heck Aubrey, that wasn't five minutes?" Beca protested.

"Was that a complaint? Because if you have the energy to complain then you must have the energy to do extra circuit training?"

Beca held up her hands in surrender and shook her head before returning to her position. Everyone was improving – perhaps all it took was for Aubrey to put the fear of God into them all for the choreography to finally sink in. Beca had to help Stacie control her hands at one point, and on realising what an impossible task it was she felt sympathy for Chloe who had to be on slutty hand control the first few weeks. After six gruelling hours of rehearsal Beca, Chloe, and Aubrey trudged back to their apartment to rest their aching bodies.

They had worked through lunch, and now it was dinner time they were all starving hungry but too tired to cook, so Chloe ordered takeaway. By the time they had eaten it was late into the evening, and they had no energy left for anything other than watching a film. Beca was finding 'The Notebook' strangely entertaining, but decided it was just a one off as she was so tired. On the screen Ryan Gosling pushed Rachel McAdams against the wall and kissed her passionately whilst running his hands up and down her sides. Deciding to make the film a bit more entertaining, Beca turned to Chloe and whispered in her ear, "I wish I could do that to you right now."

Chloe could feel the colour rise in her cheeks as she blushed; feeling Beca's lips graze against her ear ever so slightly and the heat from her breath brush over her skin. She turned her head and looked into the younger girl's mischievous eyes, glancing down to her lips. She was about to close the distance between them before Aubrey reminded them that they weren't alone on the sofa and cried, "You're missing the best bit!" The two of them smirked before turning their gaze back to the screen, but Beca couldn't resist stretching her arm over Chloe's shoulder.

She wasn't even aware of what was happening on screen any more as she was too occupied with tormenting Chloe. At first she began merely tracing circles with her fingertip on Chloe's shoulder, but then her hand began to teasingly travel across her collarbone. Chloe's breath hitched in her throat as she knew exactly what Beca was trying to do, but she was determined to remain indifferent and stare at the screen. It was becoming harder and harder as she felt her bra strap be slid slightly off her shoulder, and it didn't take long before she gave in and turned her head to capture Beca's lips in a slow, lingering kiss. She fully intended to pull away after a few seconds, but Beca just felt so good against her mouth and she found herself becoming lost in the kiss.

"Well I'm going to go to bed," Aubrey said awkwardly as she stood up. They pulled apart and Chloe said, "Sorry, don't go. It's okay, you can finish watching the film and we'll go to my room."

"Don't worry about it – I'm exhausted, I was going to bed soon anyway."

They said goodnight to one another and Aubrey disappeared into her room, pulling her door shut with a gentle click. Beca turned her attention back to Chloe and their faces were only a few inches apart. "Do you want to go to bed?" she asked.

"Are you tired?"

"Not one bit."

A small smile appeared on both of their faces and Beca stood up, pulling Chloe to her feet before leading her into the bedroom. Chloe pushed the door shut and turned around, slowly approaching Beca who was standing in the middle of the room. She placed her hands on the small of Beca's back and rested them there before pulling her into a long, tender kiss. Their lips felt so soft together, and any time they pulled away it was only ever for a brief moment to resume the kiss less than a second later. Their bodies were so close that Chloe could swear she felt Beca's heartbeat against her own chest, and she grazed her tongue against the brunette's lower lip, parting her lips slightly. Beca moved her own tongue forward until it brushed against Chloe's, encouraging her into a deeper kiss. After a couple of minutes Beca pulled away and looked deep into the icy blue eyes that she loved. "Chloe… I want to."

She didn't need to say anything else for Chloe to understand what she meant. "Are you sure?" Chloe looked at Beca's face searchingly, knowing exactly how much this meant to her. Beca nodded and resumed the kiss briefly before saying, "I don't know what to do…" Chloe understood and took control, bringing them back together for a kiss and physically guiding her through it. She slowly backed them over to the bed until they were standing right next to it, and Beca's legs were resting against the edge of the mattress. They had most definitely done things before – Beca had induced some amazing nights for Chloe, but she had never actually gotten undressed herself. Now that it was her turn, she felt vulnerable and unknowing of what to do or how to act, so Chloe made sure they hardly ever parted to be with her every step of the way.

They had discarded their blazers and scarfs ages ago but were still in their Bellas uniform. Chloe worked on her own blouse first, her fingers nimbly undoing each button without having to break from the kiss. She slid it off her shoulders and discarded it onto the floor and soon felt Beca's warm hands burn on the sides of her waist. Then, she moved her hands onto Beca's shirt and slowly began to undo each button, and as she reached the end she could feel the smaller girl's stomach tense. She paused for a moment before breaking the kiss, still keeping eye contact, and opened the shirt to pull it down and away from Beca's body. She was hardly showing any skin but Beca felt so exposed and held her gaze firmly onto Chloe's eyes for comfort.

Chloe moved her hands to Beca's shoulders and pushed the material down her arms, noticing every hitch in the younger Bella's breath as more and more of her became exposed. By the time the shirt was on the floor and Beca stood in her skirt and a black, lace bra, she was biting the inside of her cheek nervously. No one had ever seen her this way before. No one had ever seen her so intimately before, and not even Chloe had seen all of her cuts and scars before. It was as if no part of her was hidden – Chloe could see every moment of weakness, vulnerability, anger, and self-loathing visible on her arms. There were even several scars scattered across her ribcage and stomach.

She couldn't hold it back anymore and one silent tear sped down her face, and Chloe reached up and wiped it away with the pad of her thumb. "Shhh… It's okay. Seeing you like this – I love you even more." Her soothing voice brought a tiny smile to Beca's face and she gave a slight nod, encouraging Chloe to continue. She removed her own skirt until she was in nothing more than her bra and underwear before placing her hands on Beca's waist, gently pushing her back onto the bed. Beca lay down in compliance and Chloe hooked her fingers over the waistband of her skirt before pulling it down over her smooth, pale legs.

She moved herself on top of Beca's body before going any further, capturing their lips in a passionate kiss full of heat and fervour. She had no difficulty in removing Beca's bra and trailed her right hand from the brunette's naval up to her breast, cupping it firmly. Putting all of her weight on her legs which were positioned on either side of the smaller girl, Chloe ran her left hand teasingly up Beca's thigh, feeling the thick ladder of scars beneath her fingertips. Beneath her right hand she could feel Beca's heart pounding in her chest so violently she wouldn't be surprised if it burst out of her chest right there and then.

"Are you okay?" she asked, but wasn't satisfied when Beca merely nodded. She paused, waiting for further confirmation, and only continued when Beca said, "I want you, Chloe." Those words spurred Chloe on, and she leant down to place her lips firmly against Beca's. Their tongues crashed together passionately and Chloe moved her right hand down Beca's chest, across her naval, and teasingly tugged at her underwear. Beca lifted up her lower body to allow her underwear to be pulled down, and now there was nothing but passion and love between them.

Chloe teasingly moved her fingers in circles between Beca's legs causing the smaller girl to let out a pleading whimper, begging to be touched already. She could feel fire burning in her core and in the pit of her stomach calling out for Chloe to touch her, to kiss her, to love her. Her breath caught in her throat when she finally felt Chloe enter her and her stomach tensed rigidly as she felt her fingers curl slightly inside of her. As Chloe continued Beca bunched up the sheets in her fists, needing to hold onto something. Eventually she put her hand onto the back of Chloe's neck and pulled her down to capture her lips in another kiss, needing to feel impossibly closer.

It seemed like Chloe could go on for hours; teasing and satisfying her body until it shook. Beca's back arched beneath her and she could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge, and only then she realised how loud she was being. She didn't care anymore though; she had never felt anything like this. She felt loved in so many different senses of the word and couldn't think of her first time being with anyone else other than Chloe. Chloe held her tenderly until her body finally stilled, and once her breathing was fairly regular again they lay down side by side on top of the sheets.

She waited patiently for some confirmation that Beca was okay, and it was received in the form of the younger girl linking their hands together between them. She turned her head and looked lovingly at the cobalt eyes that seemed to glisten in this moment, and Beca smiled. "I love you," she said, not knowing how else to express the feeling that she was so overwhelmed with. "I love you too." Chloe gently squeezed her hand and they lay there in a blissful state for a while, before Beca tugged at the sheets beneath them. She pulled them over both of their bodies and said, "We should probably get some rest. Aubrey's going to be extra cranky in rehearsal tomorrow if we don't quieten down so she can get her beauty sleep."

Chloe laughed at the thought of Aubrey sitting in her room with her pillow pressed firmly against her ears, and only felt the tiniest bit remorseful before settling down beside Beca. She felt Beca's arm rest across her waist and placed a small kiss against her forehead before closing her eyes as they both drifted into a peaceful slumber.


	13. Chapter 13

Chloe woke to a cold space next to her and blearily opened her eyes to search for Beca. A blurry image eventually cleared to be the brunette pulling on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a vest top. "Morning," Chloe called out, her voice still low and husky from sleep. Beca spun round and moved her arms behind her back as best she could before walking over to the bed. "Hey beautiful," she said, sitting down next to Chloe's outstretched legs. Chloe removed her hand from beneath the sheets and reached out, placing it warmly on Beca's thigh. "How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm really good, actually. How are you feeling?"

"Still in awe of last night," Chloe said and Beca rolled her eyes before standing up, but Chloe caught her hand and pulled her back down to the bed. She landed awkwardly with her arms still trying to be hidden behind her back, but Chloe took a risk and gently reached for them. Reluctantly Beca allowed her to pull her arms back to her sides, and she didn't know where to look other than the floor. "Hey, are you sure you're okay? You're not regretting anything?" Chloe asked concernedly. The last thing she ever wanted to do was push Beca into anything and guilt overtook her mind at the mere prospect of having done that last night.

"No of course not! I loved every minute of last night, it was amazing. But… I can't forget about my arms and how they must look to you. Last night was different; it was intense and intimate and I didn't mind so much then. But now I feel scared to let you see them, and I hardly think Aubrey will be so casual about them either."

"Come here," Chloe said and lifted up the bedding, inviting Beca next to her. The smaller girl climbed in and felt safe in the cocoon of sheets with warmth radiating from Chloe's body, and it was as if nothing else mattered. Chloe bravely traced her fingers over Beca's scars and said, "They're like the stroke of a paintbrush. Each one is slightly different and made for a different reason, and each one tells its own story. They're there for good – once you've painted them on you can't get rid of them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're bad; the lines are like little roads that you've travelled on. By looking at them you can tell that you were weak at one point in your life, but that just shows how far you've come to be this strong now."

Beca paused for a moment as her mind tried to find some fault with what Chloe had just said, but she made it so easy to believe. The way she said it, and the way she had managed to turn her scars into a symbol of strength: it was something no one had ever done before. Chloe moved closer and placed a warm kiss on the tip of her nose, and Beca moved back into her arms and nestled her head in the crook of her neck. "Thank you," she whispered against Chloe's soft skin. Chloe was about to ask, "What for?" but stopped herself just in time when she realised the answer. There was a lot of benign neglect surrounding Beca her whole life, and now she was with Chloe – a person who had been brought up with so much love and taught how to project that love onto everyone she met, it was so different for her.

After a while they managed to get out of bed and wandered into the kitchen where Aubrey was sitting reading a magazine. She looked up at the two girls as they appeared from the bedroom and there was an awkward glance shared between all of them. Surprisingly it was Beca who spoke first as she said, "Sorry if we woke you last night Aubrey." The blonde shifted in her seat stiffly before replying, "You're lucky I have earplugs. But next time, give me a warning so I can get out of the flat first."

"Definitely."

"Sure, of course."

Chloe and Beca responded eagerly at the same time, thankful not to be getting a lecture from their roommate. The three of them got ready for rehearsal that morning and headed to the auditorium where they were met with not only the Bellas but also Dr Mitchell. As they approached the door where the Bellas were gathered Aubrey took out her key and let everyone in, leaving Beca outside with her dad. Chloe gave the younger girl a supportive look before heading inside where she was faced with a hundred questions. Everyone wanted to know why Beca's dad decided to visit their place of rehearsal, but all Chloe could do was roll her eyes at their attraction to gossip. Also, not only did she not know the answer to their questions but neither did Beca.

"What are you doing here dad?" she asked flatly.

"I just wanted to see how you're getting on. I heard you joined the Bellas and I almost didn't believe it. Are you having fun?"

"Cut the crap dad what do you want?"

Dr Mitchell sighed and looked at the floor, realising that it was far too late to try the whole 'good parenting' act. "Look, don't be mad at me but I just had to check up on you. I needed to know what was going on. I was looking through your files for college and-"

"WHAT?! W-why would you look through my files? They are my _personal_ files that are supposed to be confidential! Or do you not understand what that word means?"

"I didn't mean to intrude…"

"Well it looks like you did anyway."

"Beca please, just let me finish. I saw that you were signed up for sessions with Zara Baines, the student therapist. I couldn't access the details for your sessions, but I'm worried about you. You've never been great at making friends and I don't want you to be on your own. If you need help I'm here for you – I always have been and always will be. So please, just talk to me? You shouldn't close yourself off like this all the time."

"I don't need you," Beca spat out the words like poison. "I have Chloe: she's been helping me all this time and I don't need anyone else. You, and mom, and the stepmonster – you're part of the reason why I'm in therapy. But Chloe's the reason why I'm getting better."

"Is that really fair? Aren't you being selfish by relying on her so much?"

His words were like a punch to Beca's stomach. A lump formed in her throat and suddenly she was unable to fight back. She blinked several times trying not to believe what he had just said, but now the thought was planted in her mind and she couldn't get rid of it. She turned to walk into the auditorium but after one step her father's voice made her freeze in her tracks. "I'm just saying, maybe a relationship isn't a good idea right now. Especially if you have a lot of stuff going on then it's not fair to either of you. Sometimes if you really love someone you have to let them go for their own good. It's why your mother and I broke up."

Beca spun so fast that her hair whipped behind her, and her eyes were full of disgust and despair as she glared at her father. "No," she spat out. She was like an animal that shot out its spikes as a defence, but in this case her spikes were words. "You and mom broke up because you bailed. Things got tough and you bailed like the coward you are. You left us in the shit while you went and enjoyed a nice new life with Sheila. That was your fresh start; so let me have mine." With that she turned and stormed through the auditorium doors, making sure they slammed in her father's face.

As she approached her friends Fat Amy called out, "You okay peewee?" Beca nodded and wordlessly joined in as they went over the choreography, trying her best to ignore everyone around her. It was only after rehearsal that she spoke to Chloe, and even that wasn't through her own choice. She picked up her bag and headed for the door as fast as possible, but the redhead ran to catch up with her. "Beca! Beca!" Eventually she turned around in response to her name, but her expression made Chloe concerned. "What's wrong? What did your dad want?"

"Just leave it Chloe," Beca said and she turned away to walk across the quad. She made it halfway across the grass before Chloe turned her by the shoulder so that they were eye to eye and stared her down. After a while tears began to form in Beca's eyes and Chloe began to worry even more. "Please just tell me what's wrong." Her pleads made Beca's heart physically hurt and she felt an ache in her stomach. This was exactly what her dad meant – there was no way she was good for Chloe. All she brought her was stress and worry, and she didn't deserve that.

She found her voice and whispered, "I can't do this anymore." Tears now gathered in Chloe's eyes, and she couldn't believe what she was hearing. She looked confusedly into Beca's eyes, urging her to explain something. The least she could do was justify why she was saying this, so Beca continued, "I'm not good for you. I-I'm falling fast and I'm pulling you down with me, and that's not fair. I have been so selfish all this time, but I'm letting you go. You deserve someone who treats you like a girlfriend and not a therapist, and that's not me." Tears were streaming fast down both of their cheeks, and Beca angrily wiped her face.

"No. No." Chloe couldn't find any other words. What the heck had her dad said to her? Beca reached for Chloe's hands but she pulled them away harshly. "So what exactly are you saying?"

"This… us… it's over. I love you; and that's why I have to walk away."

Chloe shook her head fiercely, "No! Beca you know that I don't care about any of that. I want to be there for you because that's what people do – they stay alive for each other. I am fighting for you Beca; so please just stay."

"I can't." It was barely a whisper, only understandable by the shape of Beca's lips. The lips that last night had been kissing Chloe with so much love and passion, and now were causing nothing but pain. Chloe clutched her stomach as her sobs began to physically hurt, and she quickly tried to think of what to say. Without even realising it, as Beca walked away she shouted out to her, "Look after yourself."

Not "Come back to me," or "I love you". Not even "I hate you." That was how she knew. It was in that very moment that Chloe realised just how much and how unconditionally she loved Beca. No matter how much she was hurting, her main concern was for Beca to be safe. Those three words that had escaped her lips were evidence of the astronomical, unequivocal love that burst like fireworks in her heart every time the smaller girl was around, so why couldn't Beca see that?

As she reached the edge of the quad Beca broke into a run and disappeared from sight, sobbing uncontrollably as she ran into the radio station to sit in a corner and hide. Meanwhile Chloe had doubled over, clutching her stomach as everything hurt from crying. She lowered herself onto the grass and pulled her knees tightly to her chest, her body shaking as the never ending stream of tears flooded down her face. Her mouth began to form a word between the sobs, and she just kept repeating, "Beca…Beca."


	14. Chapter 14

Spring break had come around so fast and so much had happened. Bellas rehearsals were full of nothing but tension between the two girls, and it was detected by everyone but mentioned by no one. Beca's dad had suggested she should find a 'nice young man' to get her back on track, and so she had fed him some lies about an interest in Jesse just to keep him quiet. It was hard to make sure it didn't go to Jesse's head and Beca had to constantly reassure him that they were just friends, but that was the least of her problems. All she could think about was Chloe. Ever since their loss at Regionals, Beca thought it would make life easier to be kicked out of the Bellas because at least she wouldn't have to be tortured with the sight of Chloe anymore. But boy was she wrong.

Every moment was spent either thinking about Chloe or burying herself so deep in her work or music as a distraction, and both of those things were tiring her out. She was faced with the constant battle of what was worse: seeing Chloe and knowing that she couldn't have her, or not seeing her at all. In an attempt to power through and try her hardest to get over the redhead, she had agreed to take on the nightshift at the radio station over Spring break. It wasn't like she was sleeping much anyway, so she might as well get some work done. No matter how much it hurt, she had to keep on telling herself that it was the right thing to be letting Chloe go. Even if she didn't believe it, she would say it anyway.

Meanwhile Chloe was sat in a hospital bed with her earphones in, trying to ignore the pain in her throat after her surgery. The operation had taken place two days ago and now she was just waiting around to be discharged. The first twenty four hours of her recovery had been spent in silence, which had been absolute torture considering the phone call she had received from Aubrey. The Bellas were back in business for the ICCA's and rehearsal started the second Spring break ended, but all Chloe could think about was Beca. She made them so much better; even Aubrey knew it if she wasn't so arrogant. Her eyes drifted shut as she remembered all the tiny moments with Beca those past few months.

The odd glance during rehearsal, encouraging everyone to wait up for her after the incident with the police; it was those brief seconds of interaction that kept her heart from stopping entirely. Beca didn't come home all night after their breakup and by the time Chloe got back from her English class the next day, all of Beca's stuff had vanished. It was as if there was no trace of her ever being there, and several times on very drunk nights it took a while for Chloe to figure out whether it was all a dream or not. Her eyes opened again as she felt something shift on her legs, and she looked down to see Joe clambering onto her bed with a toy car in his hand. He ran it over the 'speed bumps' that were her legs and made engine sounds with his mouth.

"Joseph, leave your sister in peace," Jean said as she walked through the door. Her son ignored her and continued playing, but something distracted her from scolding him further. She looked at the bowl of soft food sitting on the bedside table, seemingly untouched. She sighed and tried to encourage her daughter to eat at least one spoonful, but she just sat there with her mouth shut and her eyes empty. Chloe was somehow convinced that she could survive on a few mouthfuls of yoghurt per day, and Jean knew exactly why her eating habits had been declining. Apparently, so did Joe.

"What happened to Beca?" he asked as he ran his car across the blanket, and Chloe removed her earphones. She stared at him for a while before replying quietly, "I lost her." Suddenly the car came to a halt in Joe's hand and he made eye contact with his big sister. "So get her back." And it was as simple as that. Dozens of pep talks from both her mother and Aubrey had no effect on her. She had been losing her appetite more and more as the weeks went on, and nothing anyone could say could convince her to forget about Beca. So when Joe suggested the complete opposite of every other piece of advice she'd received, it was surprisingly easy to consider. All she had wanted was to fight to get Beca back, but everyone had been holding her back after how badly she had been treated. Now someone had finally given her permission to fight to get the best thing in her life back, there was no stopping her.

Later that night Beca was sat in the radio station and selecting the upcoming tracks when something caught her eye outside the booth. She swiftly moved her headphones down to her neck to listen for movement and sat frozen in her seat. A few seconds later a small bump came from outside the door and she leapt to her feet, casting her headphones to the desk and picking up a baseball bat. She had no idea why Luke kept a baseball bat in the booth, but right now she wasn't going to complain. Cautiously she stepped towards the door and gripped tighter on the bat as she watched the handle turn and the door slowly swing open.

"Chloe…" The bat clattered to the floor as it fell from Beca's hand, and she ran over to the redhead in the doorway. Her first thought was that she was dreaming, but if she was she wasn't prepared to wake up any time soon. She flung her arms around Chloe's body and buried her head into her neck. The tiredness in her eyes; the knot in her stomach; the ache in her heart all stopped as she felt Chloe's arms wrap around her body and pull her tighter into the embrace. They had both wanted to feel this kind of contact for months and had been tortured with the constant distance between them, but now they could finally be close again. Minutes passed and neither of them moved; just standing there breathing one another in was enough.

Eventually Beca spoke and she could feel the word 'bitch' engrave into her forehead as she said, "I can't do this, not again." She waited anxiously for Chloe's response, for some sign of acceptance, but there was nothing but silence. After a few moments Chloe replied through soft tears, "Then let go." But obviously, she couldn't. She felt so safe in Chloe's arms and wasn't prepared to lose that comfort again, so she stayed exactly where she was. That was a good enough answer for Chloe, encouraging her to pull away ever so slightly, leaving their faces inches apart. She hesitated only briefly before putting one hand on the nape of Beca's neck and pulling her closer. Their lips pressed against each other with urgency yet certain stillness, as if both of them were trying to linger on the kiss for as long as possible.

Beca was the first to pull away, and the inches now between them suddenly felt like metres. Now they had a taste of what it was like being with each other again it was so hard to stop, which is why Chloe's heart stopped when the kiss came to a close. She wasn't prepared for Beca to leave again; to kiss her like that and then push her away just like before. Beca did push her away, but not in the way she expected. She was so fuelled with love for Chloe, but a slow, sweet kiss just wasn't enough anymore. Not only did she love her, but she hated that she loved her. She hated Chloe for making it so impossible to do the right thing and walk away, and she hated her for being damn intoxicating.

Love, lust, and hate fuelled Beca to push Chloe against the wall with so much passion in her eyes merely a look was enough to turn Chloe on. Her back crashed against the wall but it didn't hurt, and it didn't hurt when Beca pinned her arms above her head either. A small moan elicited from her mouth as she felt hot breath and then lips latch onto the pulse point on her neck, and her hands fought to be released. She pushed hard against Beca's hands in an attempt to be free to roam all of the petite girls body, but Beca responded by tightening her grip and gently forcing them back into the wall.

In a moment of urgency and need Chloe managed to find strength to overpower her captor and eventually found herself free from the tight grip, giving her more control of how things would go. She felt Beca's cold, nimble fingers unbutton her jeans and became driven by the desire to be impossibly closer to the brunette's body. In one swift move she latched her hands beneath Beca's thighs and lifted her up until her legs were firmly wrapped around her body. She effortlessly carried her over to the desk outside the booth and sat her down. Both of them made quick work of undoing one another's shirts and discarding them to the floor, leaving them in nothing more than jeans and bras.

Beca uncurled her body to lay flat on the desk, and in the dim lighting Chloe took a moment to scan every inch of the body she had longed to see for so long. As she pulled down Beca's jeans and then her own, she noticed something different about the younger girl that she made a mental note to bring up later – there were no visible fresh cuts on her body. Meanwhile Beca was making mental notes of her own as she watched Chloe climb up onto the desk and lower herself so that their bodies fit together perfectly. She could feel Chloe's hipbones graze against her own skin; they were so prominent. In general she just looked a lot skinnier and not particularly healthy.

Now was not the time to bring either of these points up though as Beca raised her leg between Chloe's, making her thigh rest against the very place that made Chloe squirm. A lot of kissing, biting, tugging, pulling, giving, taking, scratching and screaming later, they finally lay side by side on the desk. It took a while to catch their breath, but after their lungs returned to operating in a rhythmic pattern Beca willed herself to stand up. The cold air encouraged her to gather up their clothes sooner than she would have liked, and she tossed Chloe her shirt and pulled on her own jeans. She could feel eyes watching her and turned to see the redhead looking at her entrancingly.

Feeling the need to explain the reason for her staring, and also the need to get an answer to a question she said, "You haven't cut."

"You told me to look after myself." Beca replied with a small smile. Nights had been spent in tears recapping her last words, and many times Chloe had ended up wishing she had said something else: something more romantic, something that might have encouraged Beca to come back sooner. But learning now that those three words that left her lips were enough to actually help Beca not to hurt herself: that felt better than any extra moments they could have shared together. In the spirit of commenting on one another Beca spoke up, "You've lost a lot of weight." Shamefully Chloe slid herself off the desk as she pulled on her jeans and Beca regained her shirt.

"I haven't been eating properly in a while."

"Why not?"

"I missed you too much."

She could feel the tears gather in her eyes, and desperate not to let the night turn sour Beca said, "Well we better go and get something to eat then." Chloe smiled and waited patiently as Beca set up an easy playlist long enough to last the remaining hours of the night, and then took her hand as they left the radio station. They walked to a 24 hour café and as they sat down, Chloe brought up the dreaded question. "So what does this mean?" Beca sighed and looked at the faded red table between them. "I don't know. I mean, I want to be with you. These past few months have been torture to say the least. But I still don't feel like I'm being fair to you."

Chloe reached her hand across the table and linked their fingers together. "I love you. And that love outweighs everything that I do for you. If I need to leave class for you – then so be it, because I love you. I have never felt burdened or frustrated with you, because I will give anything just to make sure you're okay. Knowing you're okay and safe makes me feel better, so in that respect you're actually doing me a favour when you call me for help. I have never asked you to do anything for me: I never asked you to stop cutting overnight, I never asked you to suddenly love yourself to make life easier. But right now I need to ask something of you. Never leave me again. Please, just don't ever leave me like that Beca."

A lump formed in her throat, but all of her fears and inhibitions went away when Beca smiled. "I love you too. I promise, I will never leave you again."


	15. Chapter 15

**A.N: This story only has one chapter left after this! Thank you all so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :) x**

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The bedroom door swung open, waking them from their slumber as they lay tangled amidst the sheets and each other. A voice far too shrill for first thing in the morning said, "Chloe, get up. Jesse is down the hall and-… Beca?" The brunette lazily rolled onto her back, making sure just in time to clutch the sheets to her bare body. "Hello Aubrey." Aubrey looked startled to say the least, and then furious. She glared at a half-asleep Chloe and began her rant: "Are you serious Chlo? After what she put you through are you really taking her back? Did you not listen to any of the advice that I gave you?" Without even bothering to open her eyes Chloe replied, "Mmm… not now… sleeping…" After a long, awkward silence she opened one eye to see her best friend's gaze still fixed upon her. "Seriously Aubrey, it's first thing in the morning. I'm not in the mood to fight right now. What were you going to say about Jesse?"

Aubrey shifted her eyes to stare directly at Beca and said bluntly, "If you're serious about getting back with Chloe, you might want to let Jesse know. He's down the hall right now telling everyone that you two are together." Beca muttered a swear word under her breath before briefly explaining, "We're just friends, I swear. But my dad was on my case and I had to pretend I was into Jesse for a while, but I always made sure Jess knew that nothing could ever happen between us."

"Well you may just want to remind him of that again." Aubrey said curtly as Chloe reached for her clothes from the floor. Swiftly she pulled on her clothes from the previous night and before anyone could ask what she was doing, she stormed out the room. "Shit…" Beca said and grabbed a large t-shirt to pull on top of her underwear. Not bothering to put on anything else she ran barefoot to the front door, which Chloe had left open. She peered into the hallway and watched as the redhead stood firmly opposite a very shifty looking Jesse.

Beca lingered in the doorway with her coffee coloured hair cascading over her shoulders and her pale legs only covered by an inch of the t-shirt. She could just about hear Chloe ask, "So I hear you have a girlfriend?" Jesse nodded, and Chloe continued, "Well then, I guess you should know that I _fucked_ your girlfriend last night. Twice. And I'm pretty sure she was screaming my name, not yours, so I think it's safe to say you're over."

"Crap…" Jesse went bright red at the prospect of being caught, and he turned on his heels before walking away as fast as possible. Satisfied, Chloe returned back to the apartment and walked past an astounded Beca. "That was… awesome." A wide grin appeared on Chloe's face as even she felt proud of herself. Beca sauntered up to her and wrapped her arms around her waist, to which Chloe responded to by running her hands across the neckline of the large t-shirt she was wearing. An intrusive cough interrupted them and they looked to see Aubrey glaring harshly at them. "I'm not going to let you do this Chloe."

"Do what? Finally be happy again?"

"Are you really expecting to be completely happy again? Sure – you'll be completely ecstatic in love for a while. But what happens when she leaves you again? I sure as hell won't be around to pick up the pieces."

"I'm not going to leave," Beca said firmly. She wasn't going to just stand here and take this when Aubrey didn't even know the whole story. "Look," the blonde spat out, "Chloe may buy into your bullshit, and I know that you are going through a rough time but you don't need to drag her down with you. I knew I was right kicking you out of the Bellas." The spite of her words lingered in the air for a moment before she continued, "I'll see you at practice, Chloe." She spun around and stormed out of the apartment, leaving nothing behind but the echo of the door slamming against its frame.

Chloe sighed heavily and turned to apologise, but was stopped with a kiss before she could even open her mouth. "Come on," Beca muttered against her lips in between kisses. "Let's forget about what other people think. Let's just get some breakfast and watch Disney films all day."

"I like the sound of that."

Neither of them bothered changing into any other clothes until after lunch when Chloe had to get to rehearsals and Beca needed to go and study in the library. They reached the point of the quad where they needed to part ways, but Beca felt Chloe's grip tighten on her hand slightly. She didn't even mean to do it, but at the same time she didn't let go once she realised. Beca was about to pull away, assuming that it was just some strange joke that she was playing, but when she saw the look of panic on Chloe's face she stopped herself from separating their hands. It took a while for her to figure out what was wrong, seeing as Chloe wasn't willing to admit it just yet.

Eventually she realised why Chloe was reluctant to let go and said quietly, "I will come back, I promise." Chloe bit down on her tongue hard and tried to ignore the tight knot her stomach was twisting itself into, knowing that she was being irrational. But despite her best efforts, she physically couldn't let go. Her words were so quiet they sounded like a whisper as she said fearfully, "I'm still yours, right?" She didn't even notice she was crying until Beca wiped the single tear from her cheek with her free hand, and kept her hand there as she replied, "_Always. _I swear I am not going anywhere. I love you."

After a few moments Chloe said, "I love you too," and wiped her face feeling stupid and embarrassed, but reassured nonetheless. Even taking one step away from Beca caused an ache deep in her chest, but she kept walking as she told herself that this wasn't like the last time they were on the quad. Inevitably, trying not to think about it only made her to think about it even more and she found herself reliving that moment: both of them crying, neither of them wanting to leave but going anyway, and Beca's voice saying "It's over" ran through her mind like a broken record. Unable to take it Chloe turned on her heels and ran to catch up with Beca in the opposite direction.

She ignored the startled expression on the brunettes face and placed her hands on the nape of Beca's neck, pulling her into a tender kiss. Their hips collided as their tongues danced together, and a minute later Chloe pulled away leaving them both slightly breathless. "Okay… I can go now," she said, and jogged away to rehearsal feeling a lot more at ease with the distance between them. Beca could not shake the grin off her face until she reached the library and took out her notebook.

Not even ten minutes later her phone lit up on her desk and showed a new message from Chloe.

_Come to rehearsal, usual place. Everyone wants you back. X_

Probably not everyone, Beca thought to herself, but packed up her bags anyway and left for the auditorium. When she arrived, it was chaos. Lily was making a sick-angel, Chloe, Aubrey, and Amy were fighting over the pitch pipe, and you could just about hear everyone shouting over Stacie's rape whistle. "Guys! Guys!" Everyone froze and turned to look at Beca.

She improvised the whole time but it seemed to pay off. Aubrey allowed her back into the group; they all got to know each other better; and they finally sung something other than 'I Saw the Sign'.

On the way back to their apartment Beca's phone rang, and she quickly warned Chloe to stay quiet as she answered. "Hey dad," she said as calmly as possible. "Yep… No I know… Yeah it's going okay… Sure… We were just talking about Bella stuff… He's busy tonight… Just out for a walk… I haven't seen her… Okay… I will… Bye." She let out a shaky sigh of relief as Chloe watched her face studiously; trying to somehow figure out what the phone call was about. "Is everything okay?" she asked as they reached the front door to the apartment. They walked inside and were welcomed by the warmth, and Aubrey was making a coffee in the kitchen. "My dad was just checking up on me. He saw me walking with you earlier and is starting to doubt everything I've told him about me and Jesse."

"Oh."

Silence filled the air as Chloe tried to suppress her jealousy, Aubrey clenched her lips together, and Beca tried to think how to keep the lie going with her dad. Suddenly hit with an idea she grabbed Chloe's hands and said, "Okay you're going to have to trust me on this. My dad will only be happy if he thinks I'm with Jesse otherwise he'll move me away from you. I don't want that to ever happen again, so I have to do something to convince him that Jesse and I are genuinely together."

"But you're not."

"Of course not. And trust me Chloe, I'm not exactly thrilled with this plan but it's the only thing I can think of to get my dad off my back and keep us together."

"Okay… so what do we have to do?"

Beca took in a deep breath and said bitterly, "I need to call Jesse. He's going to have to help us with this."


	16. Chapter 16

Beca didn't like the plan. Chloe didn't like the plan. Funnily enough, Jesse did. They were on stage performing their number at the ICCA's, and Chloe kept stealing glances at her girlfriend. They had managed to keep the plan out of their minds for the whole time they were performing – after all they wanted more than anything else to enjoy it. But as the final chords came to a close and the applause echoed across the stage, Chloe knew that it was time. None of the Bellas could wipe the grins from their faces – they kicked ass and they knew it. Excitedly they ran to the edge of the stage with Beca leading them off. So far everything was going to plan and Beca looked up to see her dad still clapping in his seat, two rows directly behind Jesse. It had only required three ticket swaps to get him sitting there, and she made sure his gaze was firmly on her as she ran up to Jesse. That previous night, after a lot of talking and an awful lot of wine, they had eventually called a truce. They were friends and nothing more; even Chloe was growing to like him. As long as Jesse knew his place, they were actually getting on really well. "I told you," he said, "Endings are the best part."

Beca shook her head slightly and replied, "You're such a weirdo." She grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into her, their lips crashing in the staged kiss. Chloe watched as Beca's body moved in the way that she loved, and jealousy filled her entire body. She took one step forward but a hand on her arm held her back and Fat Amy said, "Sorry ginger, you gotta sit this one out." All the Bellas were filled in on the plan, firstly to stop Chloe interfering but also to stop any of them shouting at the shock of seeing Beca kiss Jesse. Beca pulled away a couple of times to laugh at the whole idea that she was kissing someone other than Chloe for the sake of her father, but knew she had to power through in order for it to work.

After ten seconds (Chloe was counting) they finally pulled apart, and the rest of the Bellas filed into the seats next to the Trebles. It physically hurt to have Fat Amy sitting in between her and Beca, but Chloe knew they couldn't risk Dr Mitchell suspecting a single thing. They endured the rest of the performances, clapping politely in between each one, but all they really cared about was that golden envelope. The Bellas were summoned to the stage with the Trebles, and they waited with bated breath as the judge seemed to take years to open the envelope. Finally, their name filled the auditorium and the adrenaline knocked them back. As Aubrey accepted the trophy it sunk in that they had actually won, and the whole thing was more than just a dream.

Beca managed to duck out of the theatre and headed to the coach after a brief conversation with her dad, and as she walked into the vehicle she was hit with cheers and applause. "We have to owe it to you," Aubrey said, "You saved us." She extended her arm and pushed the trophy towards the young Bella. "You should look after this on the way home." Despite the fact that she still tried to stand by her opinion of acapella being 'lame', Beca couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face. Even the Trebles were cheering her on; Jesse the loudest of them all. She gratefully said thank you to them all before shrinking into her seat next to Chloe and breathing a sigh of relief. "Glad it's all over?" Chloe asked.

Beca considered her answer for a moment and surprised herself when she replied, "Not really. It feels… strange." Chloe stretched her arm over her girlfriend's shoulders, inviting Beca to rest her head against her chest as the Bellas starting up the singing for the long journey ahead of them. No one wanted to stop – they were addicted to the ways they harmonised together, and Aubrey didn't even bother to tell them to rest their voices. The moment was too perfect to ruin.

"I'm starving, what do you say we all go for a curry on the way home?" Fat Amy called out from the driver's seat. She and Donald were sharing the drive, and she was in control for the first two hours. "I'm beat; I don't think I have the energy to go to a restaurant." Stacie announced. "Why don't you all come back to ours? We've got enough booze to go around thanks to Chloe, and we can order takeaway?" There were various mutters of approval at Aubrey's suggestion before the singing started up again, this time led by the Trebles.

It was late at night before they arrived at the apartment but the buzz was too high for anyone to be tired. Once they finally found a place that delivered Indian late at night the bottles had already been opened, and were half empty by the time the food actually arrived. Chloe found a comfy spot on the sofa which was soon also occupied by Beca, and silently they tucked into their food. "That looks good," Beca said pointing to an orange square of chicken on Chloe's plate. "It is," the redhead mumbled through a mouthful of rice, and before she could stop her Beca had leant forward and picked up a piece. "Beca wait-" but it was too late. It wasn't long before the brunette learnt her lesson as a variety of spices filled her mouth and set fire to her tongue.

Her eyes widened and she choked the food down before gasping, "Why didn't you warn me!" Between giggles Chloe replied, "You didn't exactly give me any chance." Beca rolled her eyes before standing up and saying, "I'm going to get a glass of milk." Before she could leave she was pulled back down on the sofa, almost falling on Chloe as she swiftly moved the plate of food to the floor. "You know, I have something that works better than any drink." The mischievous look in her eye brought a smirk to Beca's face as she allowed herself to be pulled back down to her seat, and Chloe took her face in her hands before placing their lips firmly together.

Needing to relieve her mouth from the burning fire that sat inside, Beca parted her lips and felt small relief from the cool air that darted between them before she moved her tongue between Chloe's lips. Their tongues danced as Chloe eased Beca onto her back, and they had to remember to keep things fairly PG due the fact they still had company. Although this was doing absolutely nothing to ease the fire in her mouth, a new heat was forming elsewhere in her body and was at least providing a nice distraction. She felt Chloe hands run up her sides and trembled beneath her touch, but the moment was short lived as Fat Amy literally pulled them apart. "Sorry lovebirds, I'm under strict instructions to poop your party and stop any sex on the couch." They managed a smirk as the Australian sat in between them, but soon Beca stood up and said, "Okay, now I'm really going to get a drink."

She took her empty glass and filled it with milk before gulping it down, wincing slightly at the faint taste of vodka that lingered in the glass. Satisfied that the spice had disappeared, she got a clean glass from the cupboard and reached for the bottles of rum and coke. She took a sip and turned around to see Chloe headed her way with a glass of wine in her own hand. Expecting to be greeted with a hug or a kiss she was surprised when the redhead merely stood next to her and faced everyone else in the room. "Everyone!" she called out, and instantly Beca wanted to disappear. "I want to make a toast. We have all put in so much work, and we deserve every inch of that trophy. So first; to the Barden Bellas!"

"The Barden Bellas!" everyone cheered back and raised their glass.

"Aubrey, you have been an incredible leader and I think you'll agree with me that there is someone who has changed the face of acapella. So, will you all please raise your glasses to Beca!"

"To Beca!" the cheers filled the room and everyone took swigs of their drink. Beca smiled humbly as she stood slightly behind Chloe hoping to disappear from sight. Despite the embarrassment, she had never felt anything so incredible to hear a whole room of people actually cheer for _her_. Chloe turned around and grabbed hold of her hands before bringing her into a soft kiss. "I don't want to hide you," Beca said as she pulled away.

"What?"

"I don't want to hide you. I'm proud of you and I'm not going to let my dad force us into sneaking around just because he doesn't like it."

"I was never going to force you to tell him, but I have to admit I do like the thought of you never kissing Jesse again."

"I thought you might. Now come on, I think the Bellas still have a few more songs left in them for the night."

**A.N: This was the final chapter of Don't Let Go! Thank you all so much for the incredible support, I know this story has touched a lot of people and I can't describe how it feels when I get messages saying that my writing has helped you. I have another story in the making for Beca and Chloe, but it may be a while so I'll be uploading one-shots in the meantime! Thank you again xx**


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